People

You know what I will probably never understand about human beings? There are quite a few things actually. How we are so capable of making monumental mistakes and not learning from them. Or how about how we can be such self consumed beings so intensely focused on our own trials and tribulations when a simple click of the TV remote can show us how much the world outside of ours is suffering immensely. I just don't get it. I am no perfect human being, far far FAR from it. I know my struggles with selfishness, how two parallel ends of me tussle to pull me towards their opposing desires and how often I give into the darker one. I know how often I let Pessimist Sania overwhelm Sane Sania with fears, insecurities and doubt but you know I think there's a deeper logic behind Pessimistic Sania. She grew out of an Optimist who saw the ugly side of this world, a side who was let down; proven time and time again that certain situations and certain people will always be there to bring you down. But even still, I know fair well that Pessimist Sania is not someone I want to be entirely. However, there are other people I see in this world who seem so dead set on making these perpetual mistakes, of hurting others and of failing miserably at what they claim to aspire at, and you know why? Because of one word. S E L F. They are reckless in their actions and words, they may have quit wits and sharp minds but they manage to utilize it in the most negative and unproductive manners. It saddens me to see this, I don't write about them to backbite or insult but because I feel enraged and frustrated with how such people CONTINUALLY do this to themselves and others.

I just look at these people, their lives, actions, upbringing, and experiences (at least the ones I'm aware of) and then I attempt to put on my psychologist's glasses to understand how they were shaped into who they are today. I cant help but feel that a lot of it has to do with nature and but at the same time personalities are greatly molded by experience too. So what was it that made these people so selfish? It's easy to suggest that media and society are the culprits, since the entire generation of this era is brainwashed to believe that we cannot breathe without cell phones/text messages and learns traditional values from reality television. Maybe partially responsible but not fully. I think selfish desires have existed long before modern society n technology, We do what we please because we have a right to. that much I agree with. But when those acts are outside a boundary of respect for others and religion it becomes harder and harder to justify them. These selfish children grow up into selfish adults and I just can't take them anymore.

Good things come to those who wait

"If things happen the way you desire, it is good. If not, it is better. For then they happen according to the will of the Almighty. And He shall always think and do what is better for you."

I got that quote from Amitab Bachchan's blog LOL. I can't help but read these blogs people have.  Peeking into the mind of another has always been of interest to me.  it shows that no matter how different we are on the outside we are all very much the same at our core. How we feel, think, hurt, ponder. Beneath the superficial variances we all are concerned with much of the same issues. Our stresses our happiness our aspirations, we may be different religions races genders or ages, but as humans we are all pretty much the same. Now with Facebook, twitter, and whatever else we are able to peek into the lives and minds of many people. We are able to connect with celebrities, entertainers, politicians. What intrigued me the most when reading someone's blog was the ability to connect with them. 

Going back to the quote, I do believe that it's good when you don't get what you want right away, because having your way too often makes you selfish greedy and over the long term ungrateful. But, sometimes it becomes difficult to not feel as though you are constantly thrown off track every time you just begin to stabilize the bike. If you could just get a little more experience and gain a smidge more confidence in riding, perhaps the bumps and curves would be easier to bare, but again what can you really do? The happenings of life are really inevitable in many regards. albeit some are controllable, largely most are in the hands of a higher existence....leaving our hands tied. Accepting and succumbing to that realization is monumental, but once it is done the mind can be at ease.

Fortunately I bought a humidifier...

I spent the past 20-30 minutes fiddling with the various options of how to change my blog settings. I felt it needed to be updated with new colors, layout, fonts and etc. After doing drastic rework, do you know where I ended up? Back to exactly how I had originally created the page (aside from a few minor renovations that I changed and could not undo; strange how that can be applied to so many decisions in life isn't it?).

I used to be a good storyteller. There was a time when endless tales would spill the vivid imagination of my mind onto page after page......................................

..............................................nowadays, its almost as if the creative juices have dried up. And I say almost with optimistic hope that the dehydration is not complete, that there is still time before the last drop has vaporized.

The time has come...

It is your turn now,
you waited, you were patient.
The time has come,
for us to polish you.
We will transform your inner pearl
into a house of fire.
You're a gold mine.
Did you know that,
hidden in the dirt of the earth?
It is your turn now,
to be placed in fire.
Let us cremate your impurities.
-Maulana Rumi

Gone to the Unseen

At last you have departed and gone to the Unseen.
What marvelous route did you take from this world?

Beating your wings and feathers,
you broke free from this cage.
Rising up to the sky
you attained the world of the soul.

As a lovesick nightingale, you flew among the owls.
Then came the scent of the rosegarden
and you flew off to meet the Rose.

This phantom world gave you false signs
But you turned from the illusion
and journeyed to the land of truth.

I've heard that you can barely see your soul.
But why look at all? -
yours is now the Soul of Souls!

The flowers flee from Autumn, but not you -
You are the fearless rose
that grows amidst the freezing wind.

Now the words are over
and the pain they bring is gone.
Now you have gone to rest
in the arms of the Beloved.
-Maulana Rumi

Time for Change

Barack Obama won the presidential election yesterday as he defeated John McCain for the title. I'm glad about this result because I really could not and did not want to see McCain and his clueless VP Sarah Palin becoming the next leaders of America. After the state that Bush has left this country in, we were desperate for change and now Obama gives hope for that. I'm still apprehensive about everything, as the present condition of the nation is as rocky as I've ever seen it. I've lived to see many monumentous events cold war, 911, hurricane katrina, wall street scandals, this enormous economic crisis, and now our first Black president. It gives you the feeling that this nation is finally moving towards tolerance in reality. It's still surreal because you cannot help to think are they really being tolerant or is it just another scheme in the plot for selfish gain. But all that can be said with certainty is that change is to come, that much is inevitable.

Aside from national change I can feel the internal change too, which is never fun to deal with. Whether its for better or worse there's something about the realization that you are no longer who you once were which creates unexplainable feelings

Time is almost up

Why is it that some things which you should be so happy for, they suddenly become a drag and instead of looking forward to them you dread it instead? All they do is weigh you down and make you feel very very tense. I know we mostly control these occurrences, because everything that happens in life can be controlled to the extent of how it affects you. Yet, what can be done? Constantly chanting "Breathe" is one useful technique or avoiding the object is another possibility, yet past experiences say that one won't work too long...All you can do is suck it up and take it as it comes, thats the unsweetened truth of reality.

I miss those days of life when everything was predictable, everything was calm and secure. For the past year or maybe more I've felt like I'm just all over the place..constantly racing to complete one task after another...trying to please one person after another..but the more slices you cut of the pie, the smaller the pieces become and at this point, no one slice is getting the best of my pie =/ I know there's a lot of me that i have to offer...and all this craziness is doing is spreading me thin and creating a tired, crabby patty monster I've come to be sick of. there are a few people and things i could name as culprits for the monster, but I've always disliked lame excuses for behavior so I'll keep to that.

Just smile and ride it out. At every moment, life as you know it is over because the fact of the matter is, its constantly changing whether you want it to or not.