Ehsan

The below definition is taken from Wikipedia (which I know is not always accurate, but in this case I can say I read through it and can agree it is).

Ihsan (Arabic: إحسان‎), also spelled ehsan, is an Arabic term meaning "perfection" or "excellence" (Ara. husn). It is a matter of taking one's inner faith (iman) and showing it in both deed and action, a sense of social responsibility borne from religious convictions.^[1] In Islam, ihsan is the Muslim responsibility to obtain perfection, or excellence, in worship, such that Muslims try to worship God (Arabic Allah) as if they see Him, and although they cannot see Him (due to the belief that Allah is not made of matter), they undoubtedly believe that He is constantly watching over them. That definition comes from the Hadith of Gabriel in which Muhammad states, "[Ihsan is] to worship God as though you see Him, and if you cannot see Him, then indeed He sees you". (Al-Bukhari and Al-Muslim).^[2]

At a recent gathering I attended this word was mentioned and it really stuck with me. Something along the lines of 'God wants us to constantly strive to be perfect. All of his creation is perfect. Man he created perfect also, but we err and make mistakes so we must continuously work to return back to perfection. That's what He wants from us.' I really love this ideology. Probably because I'm a major perfectionist myself. But it just makes sense! As parents, don't we want our kids to be perfect? We know and accept that they won't always be. In fact we are well aware they will make mistakes and we will love them regardless. Their mistakes will never change the immensity of our love, no matter how badly your child wrongs you if he sincerely turns to you and asks for forgiveness you know you will grant it. So while we know they will inevitably do wrong, don't we strongly believe they're capable of doing better and wish to see them doing that? No parent thinks their child is just mediocre or tells them to be average. Yes, we do say its okay if you don't always succeed, but try try again right? We push them to work past tasks that they struggle with because more than themselves we have faith that they can do it.

Now, anything can be taken in a negative light, even perfection. If you become too harsh with enforcing perfection it can be overbearing. But I find that encouragement is key. This week I enrolled Ali into a summer camp program which has a heavy focus on literacy. He's only 3.5 and the rest of the children in his class are already 4 or older plus many have been attending the school all year long while Ali was home so I knew they had an edge over him. It's cute seeing my shorty among all the other kids, he may be small but he's got a ton of personality. I was aware he might struggle in some areas but in others he would be fine (verbal skills, this kid can talk your ear off!) but if I didn't push him towards excelling higher then we would never know what he's capable of. Week One was a great success. Not only did he cry because he didn't want to leave school (please let this continue forever), he's already recognizing sight words 'see' and 'the' and letter tracing has also been less of a struggle. I'm so proud of you Ali, I know you aren't perfect. Some people may tell me I'm biased as your mama but to me you always will be. This week, like always, to see that when I push you to achieve higher you always surpass my expectations fills my heart with so much joy that words cannot describe!

Ali, as you grow older you will realize quickly that your Ammi will constantly push you to be better, to be excellent. I will not stop telling you to think about your actions and words before you execute them. I will repetitively remind you to think of others, to share your things (toys and time being just a few of them) selflessly and to reflect on where you did something wrong and how it can be done better. I will appreciate you and cheer you on when you do succeed. I will also hug and console you when you don't. But I will not stop encouraging you to do everything you do with Ehsan. Be it reading and writing today, but over time you'll see you will want to do it in every aspect of your life.

We speak a lot about good vs bad in our house, you are well aware of Prophet Muhammad and often ask about how he dealt with people who were not nice. How he used prayers, 'talking to Allah' to be a good boy and to win over the bad guys. In life, there are lots of 'bad guys', I hope I can arm you with the right tools to overcome them. One aspect I want you to focus on is prayer. Perform your prayer with Ehsan. This is something that perpetually throughout life you will have to work towards, everyone struggles with it. Everyone has some basic staple prayers we say as we rush to complete our daily 5 prayers among the other million tasks we have to do in the day. 'Please keep my family safe and healthy. Forgive us for our mistakes and help guide us on the right path away from harm and evil." Sometimes we say them so mechanically we lose the essence of what we're saying. Try, try and try again to not let your prayers become mechanical, focus on each word you are saying and truly mean it. I realize now as an adult, God is well aware that we will lose the essence when we're doing this 5 times a day, we may even stop doing the obligatory five times because we let life's demands (or laziness) get in the way. He will love us and be merciful regardless of it. But it's our job to keep striving for Ehsan, nothing will bring Him more joy than to see that.

**Alert: this may get long**
Before I end, I want to take something off my chest that really irks me. I hope one day Ali, that it irks you too. Because if it does that means I did something right in my life. There is this word 'bidah' I kind of like hate it and I know I encourage you not to hate anything but in this case it gets really hard. Bidah means innovation/change, and there's this whole group who says you shouldn't do anything that may be a change from what the Prophet did himself. (there's good change and bad change, but for fear of deviating from the right path people want to avoid bidah overall. Yeah its complicated and there's a lot more to it, but that's it in a nutshell) While I understand their fear of our posterity veering off away from the fundamentals of our religion if we add in all these supplementals I feel they're driving a lot of us crazy with all their 'bidah police-ing'. And in fact, this 'bidah' calling has stopped a lot of people from going further in their devotion, it's like no one wants to get extra credit anymore.

For instance, today is the 15th of Shaban (Islamic month, also called 'Shab e Baraat') and my family for as long as I can remember has a tradition where we stay up late and do supplementary prayers on this night. We ask for forgiveness for our year of sins and for guidance for the year to come. My mom would make special food and after dinner we performed our individual prayers or read Quran but we sat together as a family in one room. It's a wonderful experience and there are only a handful of nights in the entire year where we did this. Our parents let us know that this was a supplemental special night and while it was not a requirement if we did this it would make Allah happy to see us doing more than what is required of us. Now I just can't for the life of me see why this 'innovation' is wrong! Why would God ever not want us to go above and beyond the basic requirements? What is so wrong with supplemental; in school doing extra credit assignments was always a good thing! I'm not going to argue whether the Prophet did or didn't do it or if there is evidence in the Quran regarding it. I'm just asking you to use logic to think about it deeper, instead of letting fear misconstrue your thoughts on it.

Ali, I will not be around forever and I know after I'm gone you will forget many things I've taught you or stop doing them the way I did. I will always tell you to look in your heart and ask yourself if what you are doing is something that would please Allah. Whether it's honoring Prophet Muhammad's birthday or certain days of the year like 15th Shaban and 10th of Ashura by staying up all night to do extra prayers or cooking up a special meal that day or holding a Quran khani (event where sections of Quran are read in a group setting often done at funerals or auspicious occasions). Yes, this is all supplemental, not required and I will always encourage you to perfect obligatory practices before you focus on the extra credit, but my point is that I don't want you to discount the extra as not being worth attempting at all. I hope I have taught you well enough so you are capable to know better. In fact, if I had to choose I would rather you do this than anything else this world is full of that keeps you away from praying. Prayer is just a form to remember Allah, to truly love Him as He should be. So perfect your prayers, do them with ehsan and soon you will find that your heart will seek all ways to stay in constant remembrance of Him.

(Yes, that last bit is the Rumi loving, Sufi soul side of your mama!)

Finding the right balance

With a 3 year old son who's newly graduated from toddlerhood to potty trained preschooler (he's still at home for now), I've found us in a situation most parents can relate to. How to discipline your child. In my struggle, a topic has been on my mind a lot lately. The balance between love and fear. I searched quite a bit about the relationship of love and fear. Many hold the view that love and fear cannot coexist together, that love is a part of our higher self while fear is from our lower self which prevents us from reaching further.

It's a pretty basic concept and it does make sense to a degree. Our fears usually are what transcend into hatred/prejudice and often they hold us back from doing things we may have aspired to achieve. Love, on the other hand is seen as the good guy, the one that allows us to be open minded, to take risks, and to move beyond all the struggle. As a parent, I do want to teach my son love; kind generous love, unconditional love, all sorts of love. But at the same time, I'm not totally bought over about making fear into a bad guy.

Afterall, in the Quran the image of a Fearful God is presented just as much as a Loving God. It's weird though, isn't it? How can we fear someone we love? I think that's the tricky part. Finding the right balance. If we did not have fear, we would commit actions with reckless abandon. A part of human nature needs to have inhibitions in order to maintain some sort of order. Fear gives us structure, guidelines. I tell Ali the stove is extremely hot and not only should he be afraid of the injury it can cause, but also he will be severely punished if he does not obey my rules to stay away from it. I take his safety seriously, even if he is too young to understand that concept yet. It's the same with humans, religion (God, essentially) warns us of punishments for  our actions in order to protect our well being even if we may not always understand it. Too much of fear is what becomes the problem. If all we do is fear God without learning to love him then he becomes a tyrannical monster so controlling that it terrorizes our sense of self and leads people to shy away from religion. Similarly, parents who are too strict often have children who rebel from authority. If they don't rebel then they become so fearful of their actions that they aren't able to make strong, bold decisions on their own. Because, they're too focused on pleasing someone else all the time (someone else being their parents in most cases). Balance. That's what it all comes down to.

Even with love, we need a balance. Every parent does love his or her children unconditionally, nearly all our actions are motivated by our endless love for these tiny beings. Tiny beings who will one day become big beings, even if that day seems so far away. If we only teach them love then we're depriving them of skills they will desperately need to lead a successful life. Every parent wants to be the good guy, they want to be their child's best friend and to have a close bond. No one needs to be told how to love, it's pretty self explanatory. But the thing is, as a parent if I give into every whim and want of my child out of my love for him I'm enabling a self indulgent, egotistical person. Up until his toddler years, yes it makes sense to indulge in the needs/wants of a child because they are solely dependent on you to provide for them. But, once they reach the age of talking, walking and self expression their personality is forming the foundation of the adult they will one day become. I just don't agree with the notion that I should let him be independent, carefree and behave however he wishes to encourage his growth. Kids need to know that you are the parent and they are the child, this early understanding of roles is crucial. I'm not saying that children should not be given responsibilities or allowed to explore with their own self expression. But kids just like adults, need boundaries. The sooner we learn to accept boundaries the simpler life becomes. Myself included, we all struggle with self control. Self control is a trait which if mastered can make a person highly successful and satisfied in life. So why not try and feed our children little bites of self control instead of self indulgence?

For example, teaching him that he needs to be patient. Teaching this to a 3 year old is probably the hardest task ever. And it inevitably happens that your child will nag you about something most passionately when you are at the end of your rope. This is generally the moment where you are most likely to give in. But what does your child learn from that situation if you do? They learn how to manipulate people who love them to give into their demands. It seems so minor now when all the kid wants is a lollipop. But before you know it that same 3 year old turns into a 30 year old who never learned that life is not always going to go how they want it when they want it. Or it could be, if they keep using love as a way to manipulate others. And that is the biggest misuse of love I could ever imagine.

Check out this article by Times and the famous Marshmallow test to see research on Self Control.

Love and Fear, like day and night, yin and yang. We spend our lives trying to balance them. And perhaps, all those philosophers are probably right. Love is truly the higher self, the part of our being we hope to one day achieve. But we cannot make it up that staircase without a little fear, we must accept that part of our self too. To use it when it's necessary. 

Eid Milad un Nabi Mubarak!

In an authentic hadith from both Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “None of you believes until he loves me more than he loves his children, his parents, and all people.”

In another Bukhari hadith he said: “None of you believes until he loves me more than he loves himself” and Sayyidina `Umar said: “O Prophet, I love you more than myself.”

We shower with love our children, parents and ourselves at every birthday, how can we not honor our Beloved Nabi on the day of his birth? 

After your mother’s death will you forget her birthday or death anniversary? For all that she taught you and all that she gave you, will you not take this day to remember, honor, and celebrate her? Yes, you will think of her every day, but daily life’s demands get in the way and this specific day will stand out to remind you of her the most. You may spend it mildly by saying a special prayer for her maghfirat and bringing to mind her amazing qualities. Or you may indulge in it by cooking up dishes she enjoyed most and creating poetry/songs in her praise. 

You do these acts simply because your heart will want to sing of the love it possesses for her. 

How then will you ignore the heart’s yearning to display adoration for the man who gave you everything?

Let our future generations not forget such an esteemed personality as our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh):
-Read as much Durood Shareef as possible today.
-Keep a day’s fast if you can.


http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/us/prophet-birthday
http://islamicsupremecouncil.com/milad-un-nabi.htm

101 Questions for Muslim couples to ask before marriage

This is a excellent questionnaire for all Muslim couples looking to find out more about one another before taking the big leap. It covers pretty much all the bases: children, finances, hobbies, health, goals, past relationships, and religious beliefs.

My husband and I filled it out part jokingly when we first met 6 years ago, but it was a nice exercise to see the other person’s reaction to questions. Even if he jokes about most of the awkward questions, it is interesting to see what he has to say and how he says it; like if he takes things lightheartedly or if he’s dead serious about topics.

We were both pleased to find that our views on a lot of major important issues aligned pretty well. And the funny thing is, the few things he mentioned on here that I didn't like about him, 6 years later I still don’t! (Honey, if you are reading this then you know I love you not in spite of those things, but because of it all!!!) 
Who knew this questionnaire would actually share so much about our personalities, I never would have guessed! Although plenty of these answers you can gauge from conversation (or Facebook stalking), there are still things which don’t always come up so it’s nice to get them out in the open. I mean, how are you casually supposed to ask a guy if he’s into polygamy or if he’s down with getting checked to see that he hasn't spent his college days spreading around STDs.

Of course this isn't something you would send out to every guy you meet without seeming a bit ‘hypercritical’, but it’s a helpful tool to gain insight on someone you’re seriously considering as a prospect for marriage. Try nonchalantly mentioning it to someone you’ve  been talking to for a few weeks/months, and get an idea from the conversation it sparks. Who knows maybe like us 6 years later, you'll be laughing about the things you wrote down, it makes for a great item to add to your wedding keepsake that's for sure!

I know this has many religious questions that apply to Muslims only, but contact me if you’re interested and I’ll send you the Word file so you can add/revise questions to suit you!

A useful prelude would be ‘I saw the most interesting thing on Pinterest today……’

(my husband can tell you that’s pretty much how I start all conversations he loves hearing. Right, babe?!)

 

 Double click on the images to enlarge.

Proud To Be A Muslim Islam hoodie (Google Affiliate Ad) 

Ramadan

This holiday is one of my favorites. Who am I kidding I love all holidays, to me they are just another reason to celebrate the life God has given us. Ramadan is probably the hardest holiday to love at times. Moments when your empty stomach is rumbling, your energy level is at its lowest and you can't help but constantly calculate the hours and minutes left until you can finally bite into that kajoor (date) is when you wonder why God does this to you. But as soon as you taste that sweet chewy little piece packed with so much nourishment you are prepared to do it all over again. It makes you feel somehow connected to countless Muslims who break their fast in the same manner, following the Sunnah of the prophet who taught us this ritual. So much a tiny little kajoor can do.

This year is our third year handing out Ramadan kajoor baskets to our family and close friends. We like starting the month with it. We like the thought of our loved ones breaking their fasts with dates that we prepared for them. People always hand out presents on Eid, birthdays, weddings, and other joyous occasions; but why not give a gift to celebrate the start of a month that is such an important pillar of our religion?

Ramadan is a time to reflect, repent, and refresh. I love it deeply for the spiritual cleansing it brings. You never appreciate sleep until you have to wake up at 3 am for sehri. You never appreciate food until you have to go 14 hours a day without it. You wouldn't bother donating to the needy until you are told each good deed is worth 10 this month. You never make an effort to read religious scriptures until Shaitan is ridden from your hearts. On the surface we do all these acts this month because we are obligated and encouraged to, but deep inside the soul sings and soars this month. You are finally listening to its yearnings. There is a sort of pleasure that comes from all the struggling we do this month that only the soul can revel in. It's what keeps it alive as we quell it with worldly desires during the remaining months.

This Ramadan please remember to nourish the soul as you starve your body!!

Here are pictures of how we prepared our Ramadan baskets to help you start your own.

  

Asleep to the world - Maulana Rumi

My entire existence is spent searching to do this.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows how affectedI am by the works of Maulana Rumi. I know in the past decade the western world has become highly fascinated with his work in romantic poetry. My own interest in this genre began far before who I knew who Maulana was. Something inside of me has always been drawn in that direction, but it was some time in the early 2000s during high school that I found a book at the library with his work and thus began my intrigue with Islamic Mysticism. I think I knew that this poetry wasn't about the type of love most people were using it for, which drew me towards it even more. This mystic has a message that my heart pulls me towards. Its a message only the heart can comprehend.

Love Drunk...can you handle your liquor?

"The promise of paradise is not enough. The mystic will not wait until he is cold in his grave to be with God. He wants to be with God in this life. He wants the immediate experience of the sacred. He is thirstier than other men."

http://www.theabodeofpeace.com/wine.html

A very interesting article about the presence of wine in mysticism using both Islam and Christianity as the main belief systems. Especially note the section where the liver is compared to the eye. It is described as the inner eye providing vision for our dreams and true reality; while the real eye is is our outer eye, providing vision for this illusion of a world. It further goes to indicate the tendency of Islamic culture to portray alcohol as a vile drink of those who are wayward and misguided. Yet many mystics used it in their pathway to enlightenment, they derive from the Quranic revelation regarding the rivers of wine flowing in Paradise to mean that those who are nearest to God are given this pure wine to drink from. Their indulgence in the drunkenness of alcohol is not to enjoy the taste of the drink but to quench the thirst they feel for the love and remembrance of God.

Ironically, in Christian culture, alcohol is widely accepted and only the mystics abstain from it as they say they will not drink wine until they drink it in the Kingdom of God.

Both of these mainstream monotheistic beliefs are in agreement with the fact that there will be wine in the paradise of God..it's just a matter of how it should be dealt with in this life.

I think the point is that the masses aren't ready for it. The masses see alcohol for all its worldly luxury, IE: getting wasted, forgetting about the woes of this life, doing sexual or other mischievous deeds that will be well forgotten by the morning. Exactly how us humans use our dreams on a regular basis, as a means to escape our reality for 7 to 8 hours of the night, to be lost in the world of the subconscious before we must return again. But, the masses aren't able to utilize it for what it's worth, because too much of any thing can turn into a bad things..... and in the case of alcohol, even a little of it may be too much for a person to handle when they aren't ready for it. Same goes for all things that give you an altered state of mind. They place you at the threshold of a world unimaginable. Most of us would not know how to behave or contain ourselves upon reaching that point. The mystic wants nothing more than to lose himself there and perhaps would have difficulty ever returning back into this realm of reality because after seeing true reality who ever would want to return to illusion? The test of a believer is to be aware of that place, of that reality, of the methods used to enter there, yet also to have an awareness that everything is meant for a reason and behave according to that understanding. We must not lose ourselves..no matter how deeply we may want to leave behind the 'truth' of this world we know, it is just as essential to our being as the unseen is. A true mystic, the one who is blessed enough to handle it; for him the pleasure of those short trips, occasional visits to the unseen are so divine..

Our dreams, this wine, all sorts of mind altering substances...they all take you there..but they are just means...just the mode of transportation....if you can't handle the journey, and especially not the destination, then you have no business getting on this ride.

Na ho jisme noor tera..woh charag hi bujhadoon.

The famous line, 'I think, therefore I am' put into motion a bold and revolutionary philosophy. It tackled the unifying question every great thinker had on his mind:

'What defines my existence?'

What made Descartes arrive upon this realization was the contemplation of 'I am thinking, therefore I exist'....Our existence lies greatly in our thoughts; our conscious mind defines who we are more than any physical attribute ever could. As life often reminds us, in actuality nothing is quite what it seems like on the exterior.

Through the years we alter (some may call it improve) our outer existence frequently and extensively (hair dyes, straightners, braces, make up to be thanked), yet the impact of greater significant is when something changes internally. When comparing our inner and outer selves I cannot help but find it analogous to merely glancing at a pool of water, this glance is not always accurate in reflection. Often it fools one's perception of the depth that lies within. However, if the core is not pure, the impurities will eventually seep through to the surface.

If our hearts are not cleansed of impurities, our entire existence is disturbed. Disturbed beyond any external repair.

To me, what this "I think, therefore I exist" ideology means is that far beyond what my external characteristics can attempt, my innermost thoughts and beliefs define who I am. And I hope to not lose that essential part of me in the web of this world; because in my mind I know a simpler world and that's truly where my heart belongs.

The time has come...

It is your turn now,
you waited, you were patient.
The time has come,
for us to polish you.
We will transform your inner pearl
into a house of fire.
You're a gold mine.
Did you know that,
hidden in the dirt of the earth?
It is your turn now,
to be placed in fire.
Let us cremate your impurities.
-Maulana Rumi

And so it begins..

The acheivements made by scientists and researchers have me in awe of where our world has gone in such a short period of time. 1400 years ago men stood outside their homes to determine the birth of the new moon. Today the same act can be approximated with less than zero percent error several months (if not years) in advance. If the location and distance of objects as far as Pluto can be determined (which can no longer be referred to as a planet due to more recent discovery), then gathering information about the earth's satellite seem like child's play.

Yet, it seems no matter how far modern technology will take us some old fashion folk still insist that relying on traditional methods is the correct path of order. Despite advanced tools and gadgets that can take probes to mars, travel deep into the depths of the ocean, give a woman a bionic arm, lead conjoint twins to be separated and live healthy lives; there are still some men (with rather long beards) who are firm in believing that all such tools are mere workings of shaitan. Or that's what they are showing when they can't bring themselves to accept the achievements of today's world.

What I ask is HOW is it possible that a religion of such deep roots, a strong message, which was brought into the public by such an extremely wise man, have bred such extremely disorganized, stubborn and foolish men of the Islam I follow today? I almost feel disgraced to be led by instituations that call themselves the "Circles" and "Societys" of Islam when they cannot determine a simple date of the month's beginning and most importantly, do it with UNITY.

Why must we wait until 10 hours before the next day to determine whether it is a new month or not? You never doubt that July will have 31 days or that November will have 30, do you? Even if it is a lunar calendar and the dates change annually that is no reason for dispute. Do you ever see the Jewish population in a baffled state the night before to determine when Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur will be? Why are calendars published years in advance if the topic will be debated until the final moment? And if it must be debated until the final moment, then can the entire population have one agreed decision?

What is this nonsense of "the arabs are wrong to start today, we refuse to follow them because we are stubborn and cannot come to a common consensus so we insist on doing it tomorrow. Not because we're actually right but because of course we can never be wrong". If this selfish bullheadedness were only affecting the men with long beards then I could personally care less. But the sad truth is that their decisions do have repercussions effecting the entire Muslim community.

What angers me is that these small disputes and disorganized events that occur year after year collectively contribute in creating a horrible image of Islam portrayed to the rest of the world. If we cannot value each other's opinions then how can we expect anyone else to? Why must every Muslim constantly battle one another over the start of Ramadan? Why does one masjid have to go against the decisions and declarations of another? Do they not realize that their political policies will leave our religion in a far worst state of ignorance than it already is in? All it does is make us seem like fools for following old men with long beards and bad accents who can't even get their people to unify together in celebrating this truly significant month.

What I pray for is that the Muslim youth of today (would stop going to Buda bar and Abyss) gather some sense of responsibility and value the knowledge that God has bestowed upon us. That they handle matters so that my daughter doesn't have to sit online 25 years from now and rant that she is sick of never knowing when Eid is or when Ramzaan start. So that we finally unify, not just in picking one damn day to celebrate together, but in accepting our differences, being receptive of each other's opinions and thoughts and truly working towards a common goal for the benefit of our religion. THEN maybe I will be proud of calling myself a part of this society. I'm tremendously proud of being a Muslim but the shameful acts of the "scholars" I'm told to follow make that a difficult pride to express.