The Golden Years

It's kind of crazy that I've now been a stay at home mom (again) for a year now and I've literally never had a moment to blog. How does that even happen? "What do moms do all day at home?" (eyes rollin so hard)

Truthfully, I'm sure I did have moments where I could have found the time. I probably used that time to be lazy and catch up on Netflix binging or wasted time on my phone. AH WELLZ to that, but here I am now. And while I may not have been writing about it, my headspace for the past few months has been all about this topic; The Golden Years.

We (as in me and family) are in this amazing spot right now. We are finally past that stage of raising babies, although we still call them babies, our kids are now grown actual people who are (nearly) out of diapers walking and talking being their own selves demanding less of our time/energy. Yet at the same time, they aren't fully grown either. They haven't (totally) begun that stage of being sassy, smart mouthed know it all adolescents yet either. They still need us to prepare their meals, drive them to activities and actively want to spend time with us. I like to see it as though we have this small window where life is still busy as it always is, but it's easy too. Everyone is still eager and excited for family road trips, the kids are old enough to have their own sibling jokes, but not too old yet where they prefer their own time over family time. It's probably a tiny window of 5-7 years while we have this to make all the memories we can. So, how can I not call this the golden years?

For everyone who's still a step behind me rest assured this day will come for you too. I know you're living in survival mode right now, I was there for a (VERY) long time too. I too felt like it was never going to end and my sleep hating children had doomed my life forever. That look I see now on the faces of moms who have infants and toddlers is still too fresh from my own experience. (And we still get the occasional tantrum/meltdown to keep our feet on the ground too, don't wanna get too carried away there.) But I'm now in that stage where I can also recognize the glimmer in the eyes of moms who wish their kids in college would check in more often. I'm beginning to understand what it could feel like to no longer be needed as much as I have been for so long. And it's crazy, because all while you're in it you want it to pass quickly but once it's gone you wish it back. That's just how life works.

I see it now in my 4 and 7 year old's words. 'When I'm 10 then I'll be tall enough so I can...."  or "When I'm a teenager (its ALL about the teens right now apparently) I'm not going to have to do..." A lot of us grow up waiting anxiously to experience all that there is to see and do in life. I spoke about this to my husband and at first he didn't get it. He thought I was being depressive, but what I'm getting at is being mindfully in this moment.

All my life from childhood til marriage, then having children there was always something to look forward to. I've always been someone slightly dealing with anxiety because I couldn't stop focusing on the future. How would it all pan out, what could go wrong what could go right. But for the first time I'm at a plateau, I guess you can call it. I've done and seen everything on my life list. (MAJOR alhumdulillah to that.) The career, marriage, kids, vacations it's all ticked off (of course iA we will have more vacations because who ever says we're done to that?! But my bucket list ones are done.). All moments leading up to this was what made today possible. Maybe all my perfectionism helped make me check off everything sooner than others have. Who knows? What I do realize is that now I need to sit and bask in its glory, because it really truly is glorious this life. This life we've been given its here and happening now. For the first time I am actually NOT looking forward to the future. I know there's lots of exciting things still on that horizon too, like the milestones and achievements of my children; their colleges/marriages/careers. I'm not discounting any of that, but it's as though age has made me wiser.

I know now that the upcoming turn of life for me will also mean seeing my parents age and one day leave us too. That's not a stage I look forward to, at all. I do wish I had learned sooner to live in the present, to be content with whatever stage I'm at now. I don't regret how I lived, but I do think I would've been happier living in the present rather than the future. Even without things checked off on my list, life was still always amazing. We forget that when we're so forward focused.  I would've held those tiny babies longer, I would've been more carefree in college. I could have been more present in the conversations and relationships I had rather than unfocused and detached. Still, I do remind myself not to get depressive reflecting on the past, but I say all this to hopefully spark something in you my reader. This past year has been so great, and only so because I changed my focus. I prioritized the now. I made that shift that said I will be mindfully present here right now and nowhere else. It changes everything. Your relationships, your experiences. I hope reading this makes you reflect on whatever stage of life you're in right now and reminds you to be as present as you possibly can be.

Don't let your mind fly off into what else you should be doing or where else you need to be going. Life may be crazy, but life will always be crazy. It will always be awesome too. The chaos of today will be tomorrow's memories.  The things you're so hopelessly praying for today WILL be a reality and you won't even realize how easily that happen. Be as you are and be it confidently, happily and gratefully. Now you might ask HOW to do this shift? That'll have to wait for another post. Because I have to go live the NOW. 

A week in NYC!

Back in the middle of April we took a very spontaneous and amazing trip to NYC all thanks to a work project suddenly assigned to my husband. Everything really worked out great! I was in my 2nd trimester so my energy level hadn't quite taken a nose dive yet, so Ali and I took advantage of this opportunity and joined him. We spent an entire week like tourists discovering the city I had lived near for SO many years but never took the chance to explore. Wajih left after his work ended, but Ali and I hung around at my mom's place for an extra week and got some much needed time with Nana, Nani and Unga (what Ali calls my little sister, a word he created all his own).

Weather wise mid April was nice to be out and about in the city. We wore jackets or layered on light sweaters and even had two days of beautiful 75 degrees and sunshine; perfect for a day at Central Park!

I had created a basic list of things I wanted to do with Ali so I had sort of a game plan for our trip while keeping in mind alternate options in case it rained. I also Googled reviews for some of the best parks and playgrounds for kids.

Places we went or hoped to go
Dylan's Candy Bar
FAO Schwarz
Times Square: Toys R Us, M&M's and Hershey's store
Central park: sailboats, Umpire rocks, playgrounds, hike in North Woods (12pm free tour Tuesday), zoo ($19 for both)
Metropolitan Museum of Art (Alice's Teacup nearby for lunch)
Thursday- pay as you wish at Children's Museum of Art 4-6pm
Washington Square Park - Greenwich (PB&J company nearby for lunch)
Pier 25 playground - Tribeca (whole foods nearby for lunch)
Brooklyn waterfront park pier 6 (dumbo park)
Hippo park - upper west side

Now I'll let the pictures do the talking about how great our trip was:

A beautiful shot of Tampa Bay as we took off, surprising my parents when we showed up at their door!

Oh Wawa how I miss thee!
 Closest one to us in FL is 20 mins away :(

So happy to be back home with my Jersey Girls, little impromptu family BBQ to enjoy the sunshine!

First night my parents joined us and we did the Times Sqr thing

Obligatory Time Sqr picture

Next morning outside Rockefeller Center

St Patrick's Cathedral

Easter display outside Rockefeller Center

playing with sailboats in Central Park

my favorite painting at the Met

So I'm officially obsessed with tea and scones.
A trip to NYC is no longer complete without Alice's Teacup!

Ali learned how to take pictures that day.
this one actually came out artsy!

I have never before had scones that tasted this good.
Every single one was just divine!

View from our room at the Hilton on 52nd St

This kid was in Toy Store heaven.

 

The next day was rainy so we did another toy store
We both loooved FAO Schwarz, you can easily spend hours here!

Dinner at an Italian restaurant near the theater district.
Really wasn't as good as it looked.

Molcajete Taqueria in Greenwich. Delishh!

I did not find riding the subway to be kid or stroller friendly! 

Gotta love NYC street art!

the most heavenly creme brulee I ever did eat!

Hubs took me out to a fancy dinner at Aquagrill in SoHo

Mango Mousse!

Selfie with subway! #totallydangerous

View outside the Waldorf 

This chandelier was in the women's bathroom!

I'm realizing I have a selfie problem

We totally sneaked around the hotel to check out the snazzy ballrooms

while my poor husband worked late, I sent him pictures like this

Second trip to Alice's, this time with my bestie Aisha!

We get off the subway and before I know it
 Ali runs into Mickey's arms like he's a long lost relative! #Disneykid

Beautiful displays all over Dylan's Candy Bar

 

Cookie Monstah milkshake!

Oh how I wish those giant swedish fish were real

Central Park playground fun

Ali makes a friend!

Our last day there I finally dragged the hubby to Alice's for yet another lunch of tea and scones!

Even though I've been to NYC many times in the past, I had never spent an entire week there walking around the towering buildings or navigating my way through the subway. Honestly, I loved every bit of it, there's just something so magnetic about this city it fills you with hope and potential just being around all that energy. My husband is not a city guy, he loves the country life but there's a part of me that has always wanted to experience city life. I was so thankful to have the opportunity to do that now. I was happy to find that there is so much you can do with young children too! Can't wait for Hubs to have another work assignment so we can do it all over again ;)

Ehsan

The below definition is taken from Wikipedia (which I know is not always accurate, but in this case I can say I read through it and can agree it is).

Ihsan (Arabic: إحسان‎), also spelled ehsan, is an Arabic term meaning "perfection" or "excellence" (Ara. husn). It is a matter of taking one's inner faith (iman) and showing it in both deed and action, a sense of social responsibility borne from religious convictions.^[1] In Islam, ihsan is the Muslim responsibility to obtain perfection, or excellence, in worship, such that Muslims try to worship God (Arabic Allah) as if they see Him, and although they cannot see Him (due to the belief that Allah is not made of matter), they undoubtedly believe that He is constantly watching over them. That definition comes from the Hadith of Gabriel in which Muhammad states, "[Ihsan is] to worship God as though you see Him, and if you cannot see Him, then indeed He sees you". (Al-Bukhari and Al-Muslim).^[2]

At a recent gathering I attended this word was mentioned and it really stuck with me. Something along the lines of 'God wants us to constantly strive to be perfect. All of his creation is perfect. Man he created perfect also, but we err and make mistakes so we must continuously work to return back to perfection. That's what He wants from us.' I really love this ideology. Probably because I'm a major perfectionist myself. But it just makes sense! As parents, don't we want our kids to be perfect? We know and accept that they won't always be. In fact we are well aware they will make mistakes and we will love them regardless. Their mistakes will never change the immensity of our love, no matter how badly your child wrongs you if he sincerely turns to you and asks for forgiveness you know you will grant it. So while we know they will inevitably do wrong, don't we strongly believe they're capable of doing better and wish to see them doing that? No parent thinks their child is just mediocre or tells them to be average. Yes, we do say its okay if you don't always succeed, but try try again right? We push them to work past tasks that they struggle with because more than themselves we have faith that they can do it.

Now, anything can be taken in a negative light, even perfection. If you become too harsh with enforcing perfection it can be overbearing. But I find that encouragement is key. This week I enrolled Ali into a summer camp program which has a heavy focus on literacy. He's only 3.5 and the rest of the children in his class are already 4 or older plus many have been attending the school all year long while Ali was home so I knew they had an edge over him. It's cute seeing my shorty among all the other kids, he may be small but he's got a ton of personality. I was aware he might struggle in some areas but in others he would be fine (verbal skills, this kid can talk your ear off!) but if I didn't push him towards excelling higher then we would never know what he's capable of. Week One was a great success. Not only did he cry because he didn't want to leave school (please let this continue forever), he's already recognizing sight words 'see' and 'the' and letter tracing has also been less of a struggle. I'm so proud of you Ali, I know you aren't perfect. Some people may tell me I'm biased as your mama but to me you always will be. This week, like always, to see that when I push you to achieve higher you always surpass my expectations fills my heart with so much joy that words cannot describe!

Ali, as you grow older you will realize quickly that your Ammi will constantly push you to be better, to be excellent. I will not stop telling you to think about your actions and words before you execute them. I will repetitively remind you to think of others, to share your things (toys and time being just a few of them) selflessly and to reflect on where you did something wrong and how it can be done better. I will appreciate you and cheer you on when you do succeed. I will also hug and console you when you don't. But I will not stop encouraging you to do everything you do with Ehsan. Be it reading and writing today, but over time you'll see you will want to do it in every aspect of your life.

We speak a lot about good vs bad in our house, you are well aware of Prophet Muhammad and often ask about how he dealt with people who were not nice. How he used prayers, 'talking to Allah' to be a good boy and to win over the bad guys. In life, there are lots of 'bad guys', I hope I can arm you with the right tools to overcome them. One aspect I want you to focus on is prayer. Perform your prayer with Ehsan. This is something that perpetually throughout life you will have to work towards, everyone struggles with it. Everyone has some basic staple prayers we say as we rush to complete our daily 5 prayers among the other million tasks we have to do in the day. 'Please keep my family safe and healthy. Forgive us for our mistakes and help guide us on the right path away from harm and evil." Sometimes we say them so mechanically we lose the essence of what we're saying. Try, try and try again to not let your prayers become mechanical, focus on each word you are saying and truly mean it. I realize now as an adult, God is well aware that we will lose the essence when we're doing this 5 times a day, we may even stop doing the obligatory five times because we let life's demands (or laziness) get in the way. He will love us and be merciful regardless of it. But it's our job to keep striving for Ehsan, nothing will bring Him more joy than to see that.

**Alert: this may get long**
Before I end, I want to take something off my chest that really irks me. I hope one day Ali, that it irks you too. Because if it does that means I did something right in my life. There is this word 'bidah' I kind of like hate it and I know I encourage you not to hate anything but in this case it gets really hard. Bidah means innovation/change, and there's this whole group who says you shouldn't do anything that may be a change from what the Prophet did himself. (there's good change and bad change, but for fear of deviating from the right path people want to avoid bidah overall. Yeah its complicated and there's a lot more to it, but that's it in a nutshell) While I understand their fear of our posterity veering off away from the fundamentals of our religion if we add in all these supplementals I feel they're driving a lot of us crazy with all their 'bidah police-ing'. And in fact, this 'bidah' calling has stopped a lot of people from going further in their devotion, it's like no one wants to get extra credit anymore.

For instance, today is the 15th of Shaban (Islamic month, also called 'Shab e Baraat') and my family for as long as I can remember has a tradition where we stay up late and do supplementary prayers on this night. We ask for forgiveness for our year of sins and for guidance for the year to come. My mom would make special food and after dinner we performed our individual prayers or read Quran but we sat together as a family in one room. It's a wonderful experience and there are only a handful of nights in the entire year where we did this. Our parents let us know that this was a supplemental special night and while it was not a requirement if we did this it would make Allah happy to see us doing more than what is required of us. Now I just can't for the life of me see why this 'innovation' is wrong! Why would God ever not want us to go above and beyond the basic requirements? What is so wrong with supplemental; in school doing extra credit assignments was always a good thing! I'm not going to argue whether the Prophet did or didn't do it or if there is evidence in the Quran regarding it. I'm just asking you to use logic to think about it deeper, instead of letting fear misconstrue your thoughts on it.

Ali, I will not be around forever and I know after I'm gone you will forget many things I've taught you or stop doing them the way I did. I will always tell you to look in your heart and ask yourself if what you are doing is something that would please Allah. Whether it's honoring Prophet Muhammad's birthday or certain days of the year like 15th Shaban and 10th of Ashura by staying up all night to do extra prayers or cooking up a special meal that day or holding a Quran khani (event where sections of Quran are read in a group setting often done at funerals or auspicious occasions). Yes, this is all supplemental, not required and I will always encourage you to perfect obligatory practices before you focus on the extra credit, but my point is that I don't want you to discount the extra as not being worth attempting at all. I hope I have taught you well enough so you are capable to know better. In fact, if I had to choose I would rather you do this than anything else this world is full of that keeps you away from praying. Prayer is just a form to remember Allah, to truly love Him as He should be. So perfect your prayers, do them with ehsan and soon you will find that your heart will seek all ways to stay in constant remembrance of Him.

(Yes, that last bit is the Rumi loving, Sufi soul side of your mama!)

Discipline

Due to a  perk of SAHMhood, I have began watching a Pakistani talk show, which on a particular day had a well-known guest, Ali Azmat from the band Junoon. I've grown up listening to his music, but honestly I was never a fan because I always found him to be too much of a "typical rockstar"; rebellious and nonconformist. But his interview that day was interesting to me and it stood out, because he began talking about parenthood.

He spoke on how becoming a father has really influenced and changed him. He has had this image for years of being the tough guy affected by his fame and fortune, but here he was talking enthusiastically about making ponytails in his daughter's hair and spending the day with his little angel. He wants to spoil her, but simultaneously also teach her the value of things, making her a consciously aware citizen of the world. This isn't something very new, I think we have all seen how having kids can transform people. Or maybe it's just something that comes with age and maturity; a sense of awareness and appreciation. He went on to talk about his own parents and how as a typical guy, especially a Pakistani one, growing up his mom was always smothering him with love and food, which he never appreciated it until he went abroad to live on his own. As he grew up, he gained tons of fame and fortune but came back home to them and took care of his parents until they passed away. I know it's another cliché example, but clichés always hold some truth to them. It was nice to see this side of him.

All the while I couldn't help but think about my own son. Right now he's three and he doesn't really appreciate much of anything I do. In fact, every moment of our day together makes me fully aware that I'm dealing with an egocentric stage of childhood. But watching this interview made me reflect for a minute, maybe one day he will?

Because we spend so much time together, literally all day everyday from 8 am  till bedtime at 9 pm, I feel as if he takes me for granted, I think this happens to a lot of mothers. Our kids never get a chance to miss us since they're always with us! Especially now in this new stage of child rearing,  for parents its where we struggle to find the balance between love and disciple. I find this stage to be pure exhaustion. So much energy, an ever growing vocabulary that never seems to take a pause, armed with constant 'I want'.

Many days end with me wondering if I'm indulging him too much by planning activities like story time at Barnes and Noble or play dates. Often times we walk out of an hour or more of playing with him kicking/screaming for more and I'm the mean mom who ruins all the fun. And when I'm not worrying about spoiling him I worry that I'm disciplining too hard, which concerns me will encourage more rebellion. But I can't help be that mom:

-who won't buy every toy/candy he lays his hand on just to stop the nagging (oh how tempting it is to stop the nagging!!!).
- who won't let him watch 17 straight hours of YouTube toy review videos and forces playing with puzzles or letter tracing which he is too impatient to sit still for.
-who won't allow him to say bad words such as his current obsession 'S-T-U-P-I-D'.
- who insists we have to stop for a pee break and then we must wash hands afterwards. (yes diapers are a million times easier than potty training and I've even had moments where I wondered why underwear is useful at all.)
-who scolds him for saying 'I want' and demands instead to hear 'can I please..?'
-who says and follows through with the threat that  'we will leave here immediately if you don't stop crying/whining/running/shouting loudly'

So much for asking to be appreciated, I'm too busy being overwhelmed with how to just deal with him and his demands while leaving minimal damage on his adult personality. I know, I know 'he's just a kid and all kids do this'. My husband's comforting words of 'it's a phase, we all went through it he will be fine.' does reassure this worrier momma a bit. But the scary part comes when I see the reality of some people who don't grow out of it. And usually it always goes back to their childhood, well meaning mothers who gave into their demands creating manipulative selfish monsters. "It's always the mother's fault."

Truthfully no mother performs the acts that they do for the sake of appreciation. We would (and usually DO) still do them even if you children never said a single thank you. Making your favorite meals, searching for the beloved Lightning McQueen car under the sofa, bending/kneeling at 6 months pregnant to scrub the tub after bath time finger-painting, we do them because that is simply a part of being a mother. Because our own happiness truly becomes so intertwined with that of our child's that it becomes hard to discern the difference. But lately, with my extreme concern about discipline I've been laying down rules hard on Ali and sometimes I feel guilty that he may end up hating me and all the constant rule enforcing.

Despite all my strict mom behavior, something pretty amazing happened the other day. We were at the park like always, and another little girl began playing with him. They did their introductions and then he ran over to me, "This is my mom. She's my best friend!"  he beamed.

I don't think he really knows the meaning of that word yet, and he definitely doesn't know what  it meant to me. The little girl's mother and I both had a serious 'Aww' moment. It made all the tough days worth it. Today he doesn't know what it means, but one day he will. Here's to hoping my free spirited child still introduces me the same way when he does! 

Finding the right balance

With a 3 year old son who's newly graduated from toddlerhood to potty trained preschooler (he's still at home for now), I've found us in a situation most parents can relate to. How to discipline your child. In my struggle, a topic has been on my mind a lot lately. The balance between love and fear. I searched quite a bit about the relationship of love and fear. Many hold the view that love and fear cannot coexist together, that love is a part of our higher self while fear is from our lower self which prevents us from reaching further.

It's a pretty basic concept and it does make sense to a degree. Our fears usually are what transcend into hatred/prejudice and often they hold us back from doing things we may have aspired to achieve. Love, on the other hand is seen as the good guy, the one that allows us to be open minded, to take risks, and to move beyond all the struggle. As a parent, I do want to teach my son love; kind generous love, unconditional love, all sorts of love. But at the same time, I'm not totally bought over about making fear into a bad guy.

Afterall, in the Quran the image of a Fearful God is presented just as much as a Loving God. It's weird though, isn't it? How can we fear someone we love? I think that's the tricky part. Finding the right balance. If we did not have fear, we would commit actions with reckless abandon. A part of human nature needs to have inhibitions in order to maintain some sort of order. Fear gives us structure, guidelines. I tell Ali the stove is extremely hot and not only should he be afraid of the injury it can cause, but also he will be severely punished if he does not obey my rules to stay away from it. I take his safety seriously, even if he is too young to understand that concept yet. It's the same with humans, religion (God, essentially) warns us of punishments for  our actions in order to protect our well being even if we may not always understand it. Too much of fear is what becomes the problem. If all we do is fear God without learning to love him then he becomes a tyrannical monster so controlling that it terrorizes our sense of self and leads people to shy away from religion. Similarly, parents who are too strict often have children who rebel from authority. If they don't rebel then they become so fearful of their actions that they aren't able to make strong, bold decisions on their own. Because, they're too focused on pleasing someone else all the time (someone else being their parents in most cases). Balance. That's what it all comes down to.

Even with love, we need a balance. Every parent does love his or her children unconditionally, nearly all our actions are motivated by our endless love for these tiny beings. Tiny beings who will one day become big beings, even if that day seems so far away. If we only teach them love then we're depriving them of skills they will desperately need to lead a successful life. Every parent wants to be the good guy, they want to be their child's best friend and to have a close bond. No one needs to be told how to love, it's pretty self explanatory. But the thing is, as a parent if I give into every whim and want of my child out of my love for him I'm enabling a self indulgent, egotistical person. Up until his toddler years, yes it makes sense to indulge in the needs/wants of a child because they are solely dependent on you to provide for them. But, once they reach the age of talking, walking and self expression their personality is forming the foundation of the adult they will one day become. I just don't agree with the notion that I should let him be independent, carefree and behave however he wishes to encourage his growth. Kids need to know that you are the parent and they are the child, this early understanding of roles is crucial. I'm not saying that children should not be given responsibilities or allowed to explore with their own self expression. But kids just like adults, need boundaries. The sooner we learn to accept boundaries the simpler life becomes. Myself included, we all struggle with self control. Self control is a trait which if mastered can make a person highly successful and satisfied in life. So why not try and feed our children little bites of self control instead of self indulgence?

For example, teaching him that he needs to be patient. Teaching this to a 3 year old is probably the hardest task ever. And it inevitably happens that your child will nag you about something most passionately when you are at the end of your rope. This is generally the moment where you are most likely to give in. But what does your child learn from that situation if you do? They learn how to manipulate people who love them to give into their demands. It seems so minor now when all the kid wants is a lollipop. But before you know it that same 3 year old turns into a 30 year old who never learned that life is not always going to go how they want it when they want it. Or it could be, if they keep using love as a way to manipulate others. And that is the biggest misuse of love I could ever imagine.

Check out this article by Times and the famous Marshmallow test to see research on Self Control.

Love and Fear, like day and night, yin and yang. We spend our lives trying to balance them. And perhaps, all those philosophers are probably right. Love is truly the higher self, the part of our being we hope to one day achieve. But we cannot make it up that staircase without a little fear, we must accept that part of our self too. To use it when it's necessary. 

DIY Disney T-Shirt

We decided to take advantage of our Florida residency and bought season passes to Disney World this year. We got a 4 day pass for $160/person, meaning $40 per day, which is a 60% discount off the regular gate price. Here are my thoughts/advice on Disney, before I jump into my DIY shirts:

-Definitely get the Florida resident pass at least once every few years, especially if you have kids!

-Technically, you have to show proof of residency, which I suppose they saw when we paid through our credit card online and entered our zip code, but when we went to the ticket window to pick up our pass they never asked for any further ID (documents said they would). SO if you're one to try cheating the system and are up for risking it then have someone from FL buy passes on their credit card and save yourself 60% off full ticket price. Again, I wouldn't recommend it, but from what I've heard people do this and it works. It's still a risk.

-The absolute BEST time to visit Disney World, specifically Magic Kingdom is early February; Sundays being optimal! We encountered the shortest wait times I've ever experienced (been to MK in 1994, 2004, 2007 and 2008) with the longest being maybe 30 minutes! We did all the rides/parades/shows we wanted to do by 8pm and we could have stuck around til the fireworks at 11pm to do even more rides but with a tired 3 year old we were more than satisfied with our day and headed out.

- The new FastPass system is awesome! Its included free in your ticket and lets you choose up to 3 rides/shows you want to skip the line in by selecting a time to come back for them. We did fastpass at Magic Kingdom for Space Mountain, Buzz Light-Year and Pirates of the Caribbean. At Hollywood studios we did it for the Toy Story ride, Disney Junior Live show (don't bother, there's plenty of showtimes and lots of room, I would recommend doing it for the Rock n Roll roller coaster instead) and Tower of Terror. You can easily ask the attendant which rides tend to get the busiest and they're very helpful with assisting you.

-Download the DisneyWorld app on your phone (it's free). It gives updated wait times so you can strategically plan out which rides you should get on as soon as you enter the park. I spent the night before our trip picking out the rides we wanted to do and roughly planning out in which order to do them then the day of the app helped with figuring out which had the shortest lines. This really helped make the most of our day!

-Parking at the parks is $15 per day and going 4 days means spending $60 on just parking your car. Not saying we did this, but I have heard of an easy money saving trick. Park at one of the Disney resorts for free, Art of Animation for example, and taking their free shuttle to the parks. You are required to have a parking pass resorts too, but mostly that's for overnight parking. To be safe you can just tell them at the lobby that you're interested in spending the night and came to check out the resort, and they'll give you a temporary parking pass.

-If your kids want to meet Disney characters, I would say double check to see which parks you can meet which characters at (use the Disney App). The best park for the most Meet n Greets is Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM Studios). We waited the longest for Mickey Mouse at Magic Kingdom, around 30 minutes and found out later that Mickey is also at HS, which is far less crowded so it has shorter wait times. But I think if you want to meet the princesses they're only at MK. We got lucky with having a son and the line to meet Daffy/Goofy was way shorter than Daisy/Minnie and he obviously wasn't interested in story time with Belle (which has a VERY long wait).

-Definitely try to attend the MK parade, it's interactive where kids can dance along with characters and probably more fun than the show on stage later on. For a great show, make sure to attend Mickey's Fantasmic show at Hollywood Studios, the first show gets full very fast so either aim to attend the second one or get in line early.

-With a toddler/3 year old you can plan to take a break for nap time and that's when you/husband can take turns to go on the adult rides or you can completely let your kid exhaust himself and he'll probably crash by 6/7pm. either way have some sort of plan in mind for what works better with your child and that will make your day less tiring. Try to get all the kiddie stuff out of the way first so that when the nap monster starts roaring you can head out if need be, otherwise all the parks have a kid's room where nursing moms or sleepy babies can rest.

-For FREE Disney fun DEFINITELY check out Downtown Disney, they have some live performances and an awesome Lego store where kids can have fun building. We also took our son to check out Art of Animation resort since they have a whole section themed like the Cars movie. They also have a Nemo, Little Mermaid and Lion King wing. It's really fun and you get some great pictures!

Ok I've run out of tips/tricks for now, so check out below my first DIY t-shirt making project. I literally decided to do this on Thursday morning and we were leaving for Disney on Friday morning! It took me some rushing to crafts stores then my amazing friend's house to use her printer before I got to actual work on the shirts, which took maybe 3-4  hours (I did some finishing touches in our hotel room) and the result was great!

Items you need:
Plain White Tshirt (you can find them at any craft store like Michael's or in the back of your own closet)
White Chalk (I used crayola, from Target. I'm sure dollar stores have this too)
Scissors
Glue Gun (got mine at a garage sale for $1, Michael's has one for $5 with their 40% off coupon)
Cup and a Bowl - to draw Mickey's ears and face
Black fabric (check the scrap fabric section of Jo Ann which usually has them majorly discounted)
Red Polka Dot fabric - For Minnie's bow
Red Stars fabric - for Mickey's bowtie (you need very little of this since it's just a bow, depends on how many you're making. I asked the girl at the fabric counter at Jo Ann's to help me and it worked fine, didn't cost more than $3)
Heat n Bond - Got mine at Jo Ann fabric (always make sure to use their coupons, google it!)
Quick Fuse Iron On Sheets - again I checked the sale section of Jo Ann and got mine for about $7
Black Fabric paint - $1 Michaels, to outline Mickey's silhouette, gives it a clean finished look. Optional, not necessary though.


So it all started when I saw this picture on Pinterest, then I found out how much they cost to have custom made on Etsy.

I didn't have time for ordering custom shirts, nor did I want to spend $18+ on something we would wear just a few times. So I dug in our closets for my husband's old Hanes under shirts and my son's old 18 month onesie (which still fits my scrawny kid!) I did some googling and found images for what I wanted our shirts to look like.

When I came across this picture below I just loved the idea of using Mickey hands! Especially because I wanted to incorporate our newest little addition in the plan too!  Yep, this is what let the cat out of the bag.

So I got to work using my son's plastic tupperware to make a stencil of Mickey

A trip to Jo Ann's found me this iron on paper. I was able to print the Mickey Hand's image on my friend's home printer without any trouble at all. Just follow the instructions on the Quick Fuse back label. FYI: if you don't have a printer don't bother trying Staples Kinkos or Office Depot they all have laser printers and you need an ink jet for this. Try to find a buddy with a home printer or possibly a local library.

Searched through JoAnn's discounted scrap fabric section got me some black fabric for about $2

Had some crayola chalk lying around the house so I used that to trace my stencil onto the fabric and then cut it out.

So there's this glue bond thing you can find for under $5, its SO easy. This was literally my first experience of shopping at Michael's or working with iron glue bonding and I had zero problems. If I can do it, so can you! Lay your fabric on the glue sheets then lightly press the iron so glue sticks to the back of your fabric. Then cut the fabric peel off the backing and now iron onto your shirt. Directions are on the packaging, I followed them and it was fairly simple. Do a test run on a scrap fabric piece to be safe. 

We took a  break to celebrate hubby's birthday at Benihana's. How cute does my little guy look!

We found out he's got a love for sushi already!

At the hotel now, we made the bowties. I am NOT a sewer. But I did have a glue gun at home. So again, I found fabric on sale and put my gun to use.

Glue the edges so you have a clean ribbon to work with.

The entire bow was made with a glue gun, no sewing at all. We used one big ribbon and then glued a smaller ribbon to it in order to make that center part.

In hindsight I realize I should have made Mickey smaller on my son's shirt since it was so big that the bow sort of got hidden at the bottom, but still it came out cute. Not bad for my first try! I used black fabric paint I had at home to add a zigzag design to the inside of Mickey. This helps cover up any places where the glue might show and adds a little flare. It's totally optional and not necessary. 

View from our hotel room at the resort we stayed at. That water slide was AWESOME!

Our day trip to Art of Animation, showing off my final product!

If you have some free time at 2AM then give yourself a little Minnie Mouse manicure!

Here's a close up shot of my shirt, a little shout out to my tiny Mickey hiding inside! I figured if we were going the cheesy route, why not go all the way :)

Disney Junior Live Show at Hollywood Studios. Our little guy LOVED it! You get to see Jake and the Pirates, Sofia the First, Doc McStuffin and the whole Mickey Mouse Clubhouse gang.