To my sweet baby girl

Isn't it funny that this quote I love is said by a woman who I held my own preconceived notions against? You go Dita, you do your thang.

We are a few short weeks from your anticipated arrival day, 12 to be exact, and the excitement is building! While I have proudly (and sometimes not so proudly when your brothers were wreaking havoc on everything in sight) waved my Boy Mom flag for the past 5 years; I admit I am quite thrilled to finally add the description of Girl Mom to my resume. 

Even before we were aware of your presence I had been dreaming of a little doll to dress up in bows and frill. There's something so warm and cozy about baby girls that as much as I love my boys (I swear I really do a lot!), I have always wanted a girl. When I say always I mean like even before I was married and had kids! I had given up this hope when I thought our family was complete with two boys and was actually pleasantly surprised to see that your brothers had many of the qualities my silly inexperienced 'pre Mom' brain imagined only being in girls. Ali is the most gentle and cuddly boy I know! There are so many random moments when he comes over to kiss my belly or whisper sweet messages to his baby sister just because, I love every bit of it. Adam has a very calm and shy nature, he takes his time to open up to strangers much like his mama! So the news of your arrival sparked that excitement for a baby girl in me all over again and while I could spend all day just to daydream about all the girly girl traits and features you will have, deep inside I know we will love you beyond belief regardless of how 'ungirly' you may turn out to be. Being a mom for so many years now that much I am absolutely sure of. Your family will always love you; mom and dad will never stop loving you. Even on the days when you do things unlovable. Always remember this, just don't abuse it!

So now that we've covered that part, there's so much else I can't wait to share with you! The more years I walk on this Earth the more I realize the world we live in can be a place I want to shield my kids from. The naivety of childhood leaves us a little more as we grow and see the grim reality around us. There are days, and lately there seems like a lot of them, where I wish I could take you all to a little bubble of safety away from the threats of everything evil. There can be a lot of negativity and unkindness. While my first instinct is to protect you all from it, a bigger part of me knows its better if I give you the right tools to face it. Everyone tells boys to toughen up, to 'be a man' and 'face the world'. Its rare to say those words to a girl, everyone wants to help save you or thinks of you too innocent/naive/helpless to do any of that on your own. Even other women! The more I think about raising a girl vs raising boys the more I wonder what sort of mom will I be? I always made sweeping proclamations that my boys would have the same rules any girl would have, how I found it ridiculous that in the same house brothers would have different standards/chores than their female siblings. I would do internal eye rolls at friends who said they didn't want their girls to join sports or be 'too manly' but secretly now I can't wait to put you in ballet class and snap a picture of your little tush in a tutu! All these thoughts create serious moments of internal conflict within your mama's heart! I want  to raise that girly girl I always dreamed of, but I want her to be the fiercest strongest bad ass to put her brothers to shame at the same time. And you know what baby girl? YOU CAN BE. 

That's right. That's the conclusion I arrive at the more I think about it. We as a society have created many social norms and prejudgment about gender roles, so the world you walk into will have already start shaping its views of how you should be behaving and what you should be doing way before you can do or say any of those things. And that's okay, don't hold your breath on the world changing anytime soon. But, remember one thing your Ammi told you. If the world and its struggles start hurting you, BE that change you want to see. The only way to 'challenge' social pressures is to  BE the challenge. One of the hardest realities I've had to swallow about gender roles is that truly many times the world we live in can be a 'Man's world'. Your brothers will find certain advantages and face less hurdles than you will simply because of the physical differences God gave them. You may need to work harder at a job to prove you can do it as a woman, My advice is if the job matters to you DO it. Meet the challenge. More importantly, find other women with you and HELP each other. Another sad reality is that people will judge you based on your looks and superficial qualities. Girl, you are going to be born into an American Pakistani Muslim household, brace yourself for the social issues you're about to face (even if your mom doesn't intend to, I know socially induced biases will come out of me too, I apologize already!). I can tell you some people you meet (especially if they're Desi) will say you are not gori enough (white skinned) or thin or you should wear a hijab/not wear a hijab, you should be more/less traditional and ironically many of these pressures will be coming from other women who claim to hate them! Even more sadly, very few of these pressures will be on your brothers (they will have their own, but not as many as you. sorry). I worry about this a lot sometimes. There was a day I silently prayed that you be light skinned and beautifully featured so the world would be easier for you. But you know what? I apologize for that day. Thoughts like that one is what is wrong with our world already. I know your first and most impactful interaction with social pressures will be at home. And I will try my damned best to not let you or your brothers be affected by the things that have marred Desi or even American society. I will raise you to be kind to yourself or to others. To know a persons worth is not based on something so superficial. Reality is you will go through awkward phases, moments of self doubt and question yourself about many things, I will be there to support you always. Always.

BOTH men and women play a critical role in balancing our world. The problem I see many times is that women with all our chattiness can many times hurt more than help. As woman we need to strengthen our bond. If saying that that makes me a feminist then that's great sign me up. I am all for us women not pushing social pressures on each other and not raising boys who do that either. 

Want to be a stay at home mom? great! want to be a working mom? great! No one makes a big to do out of those two choices for the men in our society. Because you know who's talking the most about it. WOMEN. We just keep talking and knocking each other down somehow. Let's stop talking and just start being. 

Not only do we have social pressures on us we have our own internal pressures. Lord knows if you're anything like your mummy you will put A TON of pressure on yourself to please others, to exceed expectations, you will drive yourself and those of us around you cuckoo for everything be simply amazing. I personally think that's great. BE AMAZING. But be FORGIVING too. A lot of times as women we put these insane pressures on ourselves to be: (insert everything but mostly thin, pretty, smart, Susie Homemaker, Betty Breadwinner, etc etc). Pressure is great, it turns rock to diamond but it also can drive you insane. Stop the car before you arrive there. Do things the best you can, but accept that they will have flaws. Be the best damn peach in the pile, but accept that someone may still not want to pick you. That is okay. For some reason, and I find it a great quality to learn from, men don't struggle with this as much as we women do. It's just how we are. We nurture, we organize, we nitpick and worry, we care. Men care too, but most of the men I've met can be way more forgiving on themselves and others than we women tend to be. Men have their own struggles, I see that too. But right now I'm talking about the struggles of women and the kind of woman I hope to raise to you be one day. A woman who does her best at everything she lays her hand on, but is aware and able to handle opposition too. 

There is a lot of crazy stuff happening in our world right now (random pause: seriously you never see giraffes or koalas being as mean as we humans are to each other, why? I should've been one of those.)  People forcing a certain religious group to be blacklisted and spreading hate against them for the actions of a small deranged population of that religion. What is the problem you ask? What is religion you ask? Your mama thinks religion is fantastic, it is absolutely uplifting and great when used for love. When used for hate it is what we have created as society to divide humanity. People killing other people because those people killed their people so now more people must be killed. Madness, yes baby girl madness is the world at times. This crazy stuff has been happening since the beginning of mankind apparently, so don't be surprised by it but don't let it reel you in either. Choose the path of love always. 

Society is made up of the thoughts and actions of its participants. One is not valuable without the other. The kind of girl I wish to raise in this society? Or the kind of girl I hope my boys marry? The kind who is UPLIFTING, CARING, FAIR (in nature not complexion thank you very much), HONEST, STRONG WILLED, GENTLE, SMART, MORALISTIC, FORGIVING, CHEERFUL. Insert ALL positive words from the dictionary. Its obvious these traits are not just meant for girls, they're universal to all of humankind. Perhaps if we start creating a world where we can ACCEPT our differences, but still SEEK our similarities and then REJOICE in our presence on earth we can make a beautiful world where all the ugly evilness just disappears. 

I want you kids to be the kind of person (not just boy or girl or American or Muslim or any other social definition of you) who can return back to God and to me one day and say you did good. You dealt with this world with love, even when it pushed you to hate, you chose love. That is all I know God and myself will ever ask of you. 

This.

I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that—I don’t mind people being happy—but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep” and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness.” Ask yourself, “Is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.

—Hugh MacKay, author of The Good Life

Thanksgiving - decorations and more!

This was my first year hosting a Thanksgiving dinner all by myself! Normally every year we do thanksgiving dinner at my parents place in New Jersey, but this year we couldn't make it up there; so I decided if we can't go to thanksgiving we'll bring it to us! There isn't much of Fall in Florida, but this year we actually did get a few chilly nights, just enough for a few beautiful orange and red leaves to grace our yard. I took the boys for a walk and decided to incorporate fall into our Thanksgiving dinner. Can you tell how badly I miss autumn down here?

Our Thanksgiving Banner, flower arrangement, and leaves we found outside!

Using a dollar store bucket and tea light I added in some acorns we found outside to create a fall festive candle!

Spruced up our drinks bar with a few mini pumpkins from Walmart and festive pine cone decor from Michael's

my centerpiece! created from All Nature's Products found..outside our home! (candle,tray and pumpkin not included)

Took Ali for a walk and came back with a few cute items!

my little bubbas all ready and waiting for their guests to arrive!

Our Thanksgiving Menu: Turkey, roast lamb, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, corn, green bean casserole, Waldorf salad, pasta and dinner rolls

my little poser

Alhumdulillah Banner - Arabic saying "All Thanks be to Allah"

Quick and Super easy Chicken Pad Thai recipe

I probably spent 15 minutes on this recipe from start to finish and it came out tasting great!! 

Everything you should need is pictured above, except veggies can't forget those!!

Brown your ground meat. I used ground chicken you can substitute with ground turkey or beef.

Chop an onion and two cloves garlic

whisk an egg, fry and set aside. 

create your sauce

Done! Tip: cook the pad thai noodles at the very end and add in before serving. These cook extremely fast and start to break if left with sauce too long.

Baby Boy Shower decor!

Last weekend I helped plan a baby shower for a good friend who is expecting a boy. You would think we're starting our own boys club here since we now have about 10 boys and growing among our play group and just 4 girls!

I was in charge of decorations, games, and party favors. And if it isn't already evident here here and here that I love party planning, you can check out below some small simple ideas I used to make the shower fun! I absolutely love Pinterest, because I can always find some sort of free printable page if not great inspirational ideas to work off.

Firstly, for decorations I had the photobooth props leftover from my Valentine's party last February and figured the mustaches and bow ties worked for a baby boy shower. I also found some adorable chalk print signs we used for the photo booth courtesy of The Phillips Family blog. Then I found a template for making a onesie banner, it was perfect for the simple yet adorable look I was going for. Michael's was having a sale on their craft paper 6/$1 so I grabbed a bunch that went with our theme and put my scissors to work. I liked how on the original design they had used clothes pins to hang the onesies like hanging baby's clothes to dry. But, upon finding that clothes pins are ridiculously over priced and won't ever be used again I went with a simpler option: Punch holes through the onesies and thread the ribbon through. 

courtesy of BottleYourBrand Blog

Next were the party favors. I just could not decide what I wanted to do! In the end since I'm a huge chocolate fan and so are most of the girls who attended the shower; I indulged in our sweet tooth. I filled the favor bags with chocolate truffles and also made some baby shower themed chocolate candy using a Wilton melts template I had at home. Michael's also has a baby shower section where they had a bag of 'It's a boy' themed Hershey's kisses. I tried finding some cute baby themed favor tags for a reasonable price but the ones at the dollar store were cheap looking and Michael's was too over priced. So I made my own using extra paper I had got for the onesie banner. I love when I can recycle ideas! I found at Michael's the chalk print stickers on sale for just $.89, originally like $3! Then I added a few more cute baby boy themed bottle and rattle stickers to tie it all in to the theme.  

A pretty important part of baby showers are the games! To keep it fun without going too crazy we decided to play three games. 1) Design a Onesie 2) Guess Mommy's Answers 3) A-Z baby words. We had a lot of kids at the party and it just wasn't practical to play any relay race baby food feeding games and frankly none of us wanted to do that anyway! The first game was a fun arts and crafts activity that the kids helped with too. I had the girls decorate onesie templates I printed out using stickers, crayons, colored pencils and the extra patterned sheets I had gotten from Michael's. They wrote a small message to mommy and baby on the back so she could later add these to the baby's book and I had mommy be the judge for the Best Onesie Design which won a prize. While everyone was working on the first game I had mommy fill out her own answers for the second game. Even though the first game took more time, the other two were quick and fun to see what wacky words everyone came up with! For the Baby ABC's instead of matching mommy's words again, I gave everyone 1 minute 30 seconds and whoever had the most correct baby related words won.

via Poshtart Parties

     

via Google Search 'Baby Shower games'

Lastly, I decided no shower is complete without a diaper cake! Using unused diapers from my own shower cake earlier this year, some baby themed ribbon from the dollar store (way cheaper than Michael's and they even had 'it's a boy' ribbon) and a bag of rubber bands to roll up the diapers, it took me just one of Adam's naps to complete this cake! To decorate it I got a classic rattle and found some cutie booties and a teddy bear around the house. Diaper cakes are fairly simple to make, but just to be prepared I watched this video before I started.

Voila! 

our photo booth station

You know I love me some chalkboard!

It was a potluck so we ended up having a huge variety of some pretty delicious dishes!!

I've got my hands full.

I've been absent for the last few months and I promise I have good reason for it. First of all I can't believe Adam is already 5 months old! When Ali was a baby, it felt like time was flying and this time around it literally feels like we're zooming. The summer was very busy to say the least. First, it was Ramadan where eating and sleeping schedules are all off (also, Adam was a newborn and we were literally not sleeping at all). Soon after that ended we went a 20 Hour Road trip to Chicago to attend my cousin's wedding, which was a ton of fun and really great as the whole family got to meet Adam, but it was also extremely exhausting! Imagine a week full of wedding events with a cranky colicky newborn and Ali who would not stop partying like a 20-year-old, running on a week of no naps. Then not even a week after our return Wajih's family arrived for a family reunion. Since everyone was gathering after many years we had tons of things we wanted to do. Including roadtrips to Miami, New Jersey, and multiple ones to Orlando; all with a baby who can't stand the sight of his car seat. Learning the ropes with two children takes some time but I didn't anticipate how chaotic it could actually get. Most of the madness was because we tried to keep going with our own plans and expected the kids to adjust accordingly. If there's anything to know about children it's that they hate change more than grown-ups do and they sure let you know it! 

So basically our life has been off routine, hectic and tiring for the past 4 1/2 months and just finally starting to settle down. The best part of all the chaos was how quickly time passed! We were sleep deprived, exhausted and constantly on the go but it was over before we could even realize it. Also, I had a ton of help with everyone around. Man I miss the help! Now that it's just me and the boys, many of my days are spent where my hands are literally so full. 

It's funny how having two hands was never something I thought I took for granted until now. Many moments are spent with one hand feeding Adam a bottle while the other helps Ali get dressed. I can now proudly write on my resume that I am an expert at preparing bottles, pushing strollers, driving, texting and changing diapers all with one hand.

Adam, you pretty much take up most of my days activities. If I'm not holding you or having you use me as a trampoline, together we have staring contests to see who will cave first into a fit of giggles. 

I'll admit before you were born I was a little afraid whether it was possible to love anyone as much as I love Ali because my heart was so full of love for your older brother. Everyone who had more children reassured me it was totally possible yet I wasn't convinced. Then you entered the scene and my love has not just grown but multiplied times a million!

It's like I can't keep track of my heart anymore. Sometimes you can find it in the tiny fists that you try fitting in your mouth. Other days it's in the strings of drool that slip out of your shy smile. I think I've seen it hiding between the rolls of your thighs or possibly those of your neck, I can never be sure. And the way you grab onto your feet, your mom couldn't love anything more than a baby who has just discovered how to play with his toes! Your endless babbling and loud giggles possess magic to melt my heart right on the spot. If I had to pick just one, it would be the way your smile lights up and your eyes sparkle with delight when your brother plays with you, that causes my little heart to swell right up. 

You know I had a feeling my heart was in for it when Ali was born, but now with you here too I know for sure the poor thing doesn't stand a chance. He's a goner. 

As full as my hands and days are right now, I make it a point to relish in moments more than I ever did before. IE: Two days ago after we dropped Ali to preschool, I put you in the stroller and went shopping. It was a blissful 30 minutes where you slept and I had both hands free to shop and both eyes to take in my surroundings. Not occupied by keeping track of a restless 3 yr old or cries of a baby, my eyes caught sight a beautiful monarch butterfly dancing from flower to flower. I thought for a moment to pull out my phone and capture this occurrence. Then I told myself no, some moments are best captured in our memories not our camera rolls. Same goes for my memories with you both, I'm trying hard to capture them in my heart before they fly off. Hopefully one day when you look back upon them you will treasure them just the same. 

Meet Adam!

This post has taken me awhile to get done, because as some of you may know, newborns are quite demanding! I've been working on it for quite some time and came to the conclusion that the best thing was to let pictures do the talking. Adam is 1 month old today alhumdulillah and, despite all the lack of sleep and nonstop feed/poop/sleep schedule I really am shocked at how fast this month went by. My mom was around for 2.5 weeks to help out which was SUCH a huge help that I've just been struggling to manage ever since she left back home. 

Someone wise once said about child rearing that the days are long but the years are short and I couldn't agree more. Almost daily I am beyond exhausted by the time 6:30 pm rolls around and often you can find me texting Wajih with a desperate 'please tell me you will be home soon' message. But every time I look at Ali and how overnight he has transformed into this big grown up person of his own, I am reminded to cherish every bit of each stage that Adam goes through. 

Happy one month my dear sweet Adam. We are over the moon to have you as a part of our family and cannot wait to celebrate many more of these milestones with you. May each of them be blessed with laughter, health and love always.

Adam Mustafa Wajih born Tuesday June 17, 2014 at 12:45pm 6lb 12 oz 19 in at Tampa General Hospital

first of many kisses from big brother!

I have not met a big brother more loving than Ali, mashAllah. He is so gentle and so affectionate towards Adam that it breaks my heart sometimes when I have to ask him to please stop kissing his brother already! He's always ready to help put the binky back in baby's mouth or throw out diapers, and sometimes even hold the bottle! First night he jumped into bed with Adam ready for a sleepover!

First bath given by Nani!

Post bathtime photo session for Adam turned into fun for all

Big brother Ali reading to Adam

Pictures above are of a few of Adam's many loving visitors!

Adam and Ammi's first photo together  6/27/14

before Nani returned back to New Jersey (we all miss her so much!)

Celebrating Ammi's birthday with a shopping trip to Orlando outlets

brothers bonding session, also called Mom's heart melting momentt

Happy 1 monthday, Adam! (yes you scratched your forehead)

These boys with all the chaos, laughter and love they bring make my life complete.