End of an Era...

As I sit here typing, across the country in a town famously referred to as 'L.A.' the memorial service for one of music history's greatest legend is being held. Michael Jackson.

To be entirely honest, I never had a great passion for his persona, most likely because, although I am a 80's kid I remember nearly none of it...My oldest memories date to the early 90's, when Jackson had sort of taken on that creepy guy image with his skin color transformation and small boys obsession. The only two songs of his that I actually liked were Beat It and Thriller. Beat It because Alvin and the Chipmunks did a cartoon imitation of his video....But still, I think despite all the social norms he defied and personal issues he dealt with in the public eye, I still respected him as a talented artist.

I find irony in that today, as I celebrate my birth, people on the other end of the country are celebrating someone's death. (celebrate as in remember and memorialize) Of course there is no real irony in this, because people are brought in and out of this world perpetually. However, I still like to believe there is significance and reason behind everything. Just because we fail to recognize logical order and reasoning for many things, does not mean that they occur at random...I can't help but feel that all instances are orchestrated in a highly elaborate manner far beyond our level of comprehension and perhaps its better that way.

The most prominent part of Jackson's life that stands out to me now is how he struggled with his public image. Every single human being feels misunderstood at one point or another in life, but to feel that way on such a large scale; when you are being judged and viewed by the entire world, I can not imagine the pressure of handling that kind of attention. Social people often crave recognition; they thrive in the admiration and fascination that others have with them. However, all too often that attention has a fast rise and an even faster fall. It is some sort of basic human evil, we build this love/hate relationship with nearly everyone. Despite their greatest gestures, we poke and prod at each person until a serious flaw is discovered and focused on. Spectators say Michael Jackson died of overdose, his actions for many years now have reflected self afflicted harm and suicidal behavior. My speculation is that too much of anything can harm the best of people, with the best of intentions. Too much fame, too much attention, too much criticism...too much publicity.

Now like I said earlier, I never really cared that much for MJ, but when recent events brought my attention towards him (obvious...its all over media..they couldnt let him leave in peace and privacy either)it made me we all struggle with public attention. Especially now, in a society where Facebook, Twitter, AIM, etc. all have provided every single person who may vaguely know you to have vast amount of knowledge about your life, moments and memories are very seldom kept personal anymore. It did have a positive affect for a while. People were able to better interact over long distance,maintain relationships over time without falling apart, and overall just share their memories with loved ones. But now it as become a form of grabbing attention towards yourself..becoming a mini 'celebrity' in your own right. And as I said before, attention has a fast rise and an even faster fall. What is this need to know and care about other peoples lives? So what if they have weird fetishes like MJ did or whatever they may choose to do in their lives..why has the world become so focused on knowing and sharing so much about themselves? Sharing and interaction needs to be done, everything in small dosages is good...I think I'm just reaching a point in my own life where I feel the need to draw away from advancement. Perhaps, I've reached the plateau, if not the decline of my interest in sharing about myself. Even this blog...what purpose does it serve to share about my inner thoughts and views? What will anyone gain..or lose.. from reading it? What will they achieve from seeing my pictures on Facebook or knowing of my latest status on Twitter? I sometimes think back to the 90's..when we may not have kept in touch with SO many people as we do today...yet the handful that did stay close had more value in their quality of care annd concern for each other. I think I'm going to step back for awhile...I may not walk around like MJ did with a bag over my head to avoid people...but sometimes it's not to keep others out..but it's to cleanse your own mind and spirit. Maybe I can relate to MJ in that way.

(a little more coincidence I fell upon: "Michael Jackson signed his last will on 7-7-02, seven years to the day he will be memorialized and buried. Michael was the 7th in a family of 9 kids..."
7 also happens to be my lucky #, or as I like to think of it,it's special to me...)


Last Post for awhile...... Publicly that is.

Na ho jisme noor tera..woh charag hi bujhadoon.

The famous line, 'I think, therefore I am' put into motion a bold and revolutionary philosophy. It tackled the unifying question every great thinker had on his mind:

'What defines my existence?'

What made Descartes arrive upon this realization was the contemplation of 'I am thinking, therefore I exist'....Our existence lies greatly in our thoughts; our conscious mind defines who we are more than any physical attribute ever could. As life often reminds us, in actuality nothing is quite what it seems like on the exterior.

Through the years we alter (some may call it improve) our outer existence frequently and extensively (hair dyes, straightners, braces, make up to be thanked), yet the impact of greater significant is when something changes internally. When comparing our inner and outer selves I cannot help but find it analogous to merely glancing at a pool of water, this glance is not always accurate in reflection. Often it fools one's perception of the depth that lies within. However, if the core is not pure, the impurities will eventually seep through to the surface.

If our hearts are not cleansed of impurities, our entire existence is disturbed. Disturbed beyond any external repair.

To me, what this "I think, therefore I exist" ideology means is that far beyond what my external characteristics can attempt, my innermost thoughts and beliefs define who I am. And I hope to not lose that essential part of me in the web of this world; because in my mind I know a simpler world and that's truly where my heart belongs.

People

You know what I will probably never understand about human beings? There are quite a few things actually. How we are so capable of making monumental mistakes and not learning from them. Or how about how we can be such self consumed beings so intensely focused on our own trials and tribulations when a simple click of the TV remote can show us how much the world outside of ours is suffering immensely. I just don't get it. I am no perfect human being, far far FAR from it. I know my struggles with selfishness, how two parallel ends of me tussle to pull me towards their opposing desires and how often I give into the darker one. I know how often I let Pessimist Sania overwhelm Sane Sania with fears, insecurities and doubt but you know I think there's a deeper logic behind Pessimistic Sania. She grew out of an Optimist who saw the ugly side of this world, a side who was let down; proven time and time again that certain situations and certain people will always be there to bring you down. But even still, I know fair well that Pessimist Sania is not someone I want to be entirely. However, there are other people I see in this world who seem so dead set on making these perpetual mistakes, of hurting others and of failing miserably at what they claim to aspire at, and you know why? Because of one word. S E L F. They are reckless in their actions and words, they may have quit wits and sharp minds but they manage to utilize it in the most negative and unproductive manners. It saddens me to see this, I don't write about them to backbite or insult but because I feel enraged and frustrated with how such people CONTINUALLY do this to themselves and others.

I just look at these people, their lives, actions, upbringing, and experiences (at least the ones I'm aware of) and then I attempt to put on my psychologist's glasses to understand how they were shaped into who they are today. I cant help but feel that a lot of it has to do with nature and but at the same time personalities are greatly molded by experience too. So what was it that made these people so selfish? It's easy to suggest that media and society are the culprits, since the entire generation of this era is brainwashed to believe that we cannot breathe without cell phones/text messages and learns traditional values from reality television. Maybe partially responsible but not fully. I think selfish desires have existed long before modern society n technology, We do what we please because we have a right to. that much I agree with. But when those acts are outside a boundary of respect for others and religion it becomes harder and harder to justify them. These selfish children grow up into selfish adults and I just can't take them anymore.

Good things come to those who wait

"If things happen the way you desire, it is good. If not, it is better. For then they happen according to the will of the Almighty. And He shall always think and do what is better for you."

I got that quote from Amitab Bachchan's blog LOL. I can't help but read these blogs people have.  Peeking into the mind of another has always been of interest to me.  it shows that no matter how different we are on the outside we are all very much the same at our core. How we feel, think, hurt, ponder. Beneath the superficial variances we all are concerned with much of the same issues. Our stresses our happiness our aspirations, we may be different religions races genders or ages, but as humans we are all pretty much the same. Now with Facebook, twitter, and whatever else we are able to peek into the lives and minds of many people. We are able to connect with celebrities, entertainers, politicians. What intrigued me the most when reading someone's blog was the ability to connect with them. 

Going back to the quote, I do believe that it's good when you don't get what you want right away, because having your way too often makes you selfish greedy and over the long term ungrateful. But, sometimes it becomes difficult to not feel as though you are constantly thrown off track every time you just begin to stabilize the bike. If you could just get a little more experience and gain a smidge more confidence in riding, perhaps the bumps and curves would be easier to bare, but again what can you really do? The happenings of life are really inevitable in many regards. albeit some are controllable, largely most are in the hands of a higher existence....leaving our hands tied. Accepting and succumbing to that realization is monumental, but once it is done the mind can be at ease.

Fortunately I bought a humidifier...

I spent the past 20-30 minutes fiddling with the various options of how to change my blog settings. I felt it needed to be updated with new colors, layout, fonts and etc. After doing drastic rework, do you know where I ended up? Back to exactly how I had originally created the page (aside from a few minor renovations that I changed and could not undo; strange how that can be applied to so many decisions in life isn't it?).

I used to be a good storyteller. There was a time when endless tales would spill the vivid imagination of my mind onto page after page......................................

..............................................nowadays, its almost as if the creative juices have dried up. And I say almost with optimistic hope that the dehydration is not complete, that there is still time before the last drop has vaporized.