Thirty six

Jummah Mubarak! (Happy Friday!) 

Yesterday marked the start of my 9th month of being a preggo eggo. Making it to the 36 weeks mark is a moment of mixed emotions. 

Being in the final stretch of this journey is exciting. You are SO close to holding your little chubster cheeked cutie pie you've waited forever to see! But, at the same time you are so exhausted from just being huge that (as you face palm yourself) all you can think is "man, seriously another 4 weeks of this to go?!?" Being 36 wks/full term means your baby could come any time now, and for those few lucky women who do delivery early this is great. You're truly at the finish line. For the rest of us (majority women deliver right around their due date if not passed), it is just false hope that the Braxton hicks we've been feeling for awhile maybe the real deal. 

I usually try real hard to see the positive side of things and through out this pregnancy the hubs even noted I was much less 'complainy', more energetic and on my feet than the first time around. I admit I'm of the fortunate bunch who doesn't have a terrible pregnancy, plus second time around you're just better prepared for what's to come. I'm lucky to have no major nausea or fatigue passed the first trimester and mostly all other symptoms are mild so I can ignore them or remind myself of the blessings they bring with them. I was actually proud of myself, I was rolling with the punches pretty well this time! I hadn't gained nearly as much weight as I did with my first pregnancy, reminding myself that indulging in cravings will only bite my flabby behind later helped. Even the terrible leg cramps at 4 am didn't bother me as much as my first pregnancy; just jump out of bed walk on it then go pee for the 40th time and roll back to sleep. It was a routine I accepted as motherhood's many 'perks'. 

Yet, last week when I hit 35 weeks it was like suddenly pregnancy reality came flying at me in full force. Maybe not having husband around (out of town for work) all week made it worst, or maybe my extremely energetic 3 year old and his hoards of toys contributed to it. Suddenly, the heart burn came on strong no matter what I ate just as the Braxton hicks intensified, making every possible position an uncomfortable one. I hadn't been able to breath out my nose all pregnancy, but now with a cantelope sitting on my lungs jabbing at my ribs, breathing truly was a difficult task. Meanwhile my back was totally screaming in pain to the point that I cursed the floor for being so damn far every time I had to bend and pick up yet another Lego/superman/McQueen off the ground. Even my ankles had swollen up a great deal, which isn't painful as much as it is annoying due to a constant pins and needles feeling. By the end of the week I was literally D.O.N.E.! 

Then I opened up a pack of girls scout cookies, laughed at my misery (yes motherhood is amazing, life changing and it's the best thing I ever did blah blah. All of that is very true, but right now I am just beyond tired). I reminded myself that once this ball which is currently crushing all of my insides does come outside everything will be better (better is a word I use loosely, newborns are NO joke). I then snooped around in the Mommy to Be forums on my What to Expect app which helped me feel better as I found the humor in the misery we are all sharing. So, I though I would share some of the memes the ladies posted for those of you who may not be in this boat with us. A taste of what it feels like to be a 'nothing-in-my-goddamn-closet-fits-over-this-beach-ball-except-a-tent-hormonal-preggo-eggo': 

Your baby might be the size of a cantelope, but YOU feel more like a beluga whale! 

That list... It's like whyyy are they purposely forcing us to see the wonderful things we're trying so hard to ignore all day errday? I'm not a frequent user of the phrase 'FML', but looking at it that's all I can think. (Except that extra energy part. Really who has it? Can you please share? Pretty please??)

When everyone keeps asking you the annoying question of 'how are you feeling?' And you so badly want to respond with the above answer. 

True story. 

I literally laughed out loud when I saw this, laughed then cried because this is my reality. All I want to do is veg out on the sofa to rest my achy back, but then I remember the struggle called 'getting up'. And get up I will have to because like clockwork every 30 mins is a pee break! 

Thankfully no one has tried this on me, I might have to punch them out if they do. I know it's difficult not to poke at a protruding object but really, can we not make preggos feel more like zoo animals than they already do?!

Totes ready. 

Need I say more? 

From the desk of a Chronic Pessimist

About 10 years ago my grandfather wrote an Urdu book called 'Fikharein Choro Jeena Seekho' it was a translation of Dale Carnegie's best seller 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living'. I was very young when he wrote it but I remember we had numerous women who would call or send letters from Pakistan seeking Dada’s advice on an unending list of things they worried about. In my opinion, Dada wasn’t a self-help guru, but he hit the nail on the head with this book. Just the title is enough to show that it’s probably the best advice anyone will give you about life. Sadly, I never even attempted to read the book myself! Lately though a lot of things going on have had me thinking about this concept. This "worry wart pessimistic" attitude which seems to be more prevalent in us women was blaring in my face everywhere I went. Especially after watching Kashaf’s behavior (female protagonist of the current Pakistani TV show I’m hooked on, Zindagi Gulzar Hai) I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to dish out some advice to the current generation, just like my Dada once did.


Girls, can we please admit to this ‘flaw’ of ours and work on fixing it?! Please?

We worry beyond belief! This issue of stressing about every possible scenario that might play out in our lives literally drives us to the brink of insanity. I know we really can’t help it, its innate. But you know what? We give men a lot of grief about being lazy and irresponsible, so maybe we should take our own advice and fix our quirks when they become a problem. Perfect example: Kashaf is a manic worrier, this girl couldn’t recognize happiness if it punched her in the eye, because she’s perpetually afraid of what can go wrong next. She is doubtful of anyone who is nice to her and of any possible hope of good times in life. Watching her I thought, wow who can be THAT negative? But it took a few seconds to realize I do this ALL the time! Last week, I read in the news about a young mom dying in her apartment and her four year old son walked around alone for days surviving only on a bag of sugar. Suddenly, I’m crying. AT WORK. Because the little boy’s story was so sad I started worrying about what if I die and no one finds out. I imagined Ali locked in with my corpse, eating nothing but fistfuls of Nutella. SERIOUSLY? Get it together girl. Yes bad things happen. Yes they do happen to good people. But GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TOO. We cannot not allow fear of these ‘what ifs’ to consume us.

We need to take off the green lens and actively seek the good in our lives. It may be exams and 8 page papers in college life or endless hours at work or a baby who doesn’t sleep at night that cause us to worry and become Negative Nancys. But the truth is WE allow it, life experiences may be triggers but we are the ones who choose to pull it and shoot out that bullet.

While Kashaf on ZGH is an extreme example of it, we all have this inner pessimist that we sometimes let get the best of us and it only wreaks havoc when we do. Think about at least two things you obsessed/worried about in the past week, month or year that turned out “not so bad” after all. Yes it wasn’t entirely how you expected but it wasn’t as terrible as you worried it would be. And maybe, possibly, some of your worrying negatively affected the outcome, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. By stressing too much we actually cause the things we fear to come true. When I first got married I had this constant dream of my husband dying! Once I woke up bawling from a dream that he went out jogging, was got hit by a car and my parents are telling me he’s dead. It took me a long time to figure this out, but I realized it was my fear of a good thing. I had never loved someone so much and was majorly afraid of losing the best thing to ever happen to me. I had to come to terms with the fact that this amazing occurrence in my life was actually here, and  I wasn’t allowing myself to love him wholeheartedly for fear of losing him.

I’m trying SO hard to fix this worrier side of me, and it may be working. Like last month when we spontaneously decided to do a trip to Turkey planned in 2 days I did not panic. I just got to work on what needed to be done. And even if we dashed to the passport office a few hours before our flight, it all worked out. IT ALL WORKED OUT. As women we are planners and organizers with a big part of our nature is to be a perfectionist, wanting every detail to be flawless. In doing so, we begin equating planning with stressing. If we aren’t stressed we don’t care enough. This attitude has got to change. I care very much about everything in my life and a huge part of me does want to panic at times, but I am making a constant conscious effort to remind myself that freaking out will not help. Worrying won’t make it perfect and ‘perfect’ will only happen when I accept that there will be flaws.


Learn to let things go when they go wrong. Work your absolute hardest and when you find yourself freaking out, stop. Take a moment to breath and tell yourself:

Have hope. Know that this too will be over eventually, so while it’s happening you must enjoy the best of it and let go of the worst of it.

So now with all that being said, can someone please shake Kashaf ‘Churail’ Murtazas’s shoulders, slap her across the face and say "GIRLFRIEND YOUR HUSBAND IS HOT AND HE LOVES YOU, STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG AND FREAKING HUG HIM ALREADY!"
 
Images via Tumblr 



How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Carnegie, Dale/ MacMillan, An (Google Affiliate Ad) 

 Pessimism Never Works iPhone 5 Case (Google Affiliate Ad)

Art.Com Love, Worry, Laugh Framed Art Print (Google Affiliate Ad)

Who am I?

I have been suggested by many friends that I should blog about how I juggle everything in life between working, parenting, hosting and so much more.

Thank you, kind friends, for acknowledging that life is tough and the roles we take on with age are tougher. I truly appreciate moments where you say things like ‘I don’t know how you do it, I come home from sitting at work all day and I’m too pooped from just that. How you have the energy to cook up all those things you post on Instagram?!’ 

As enthralling as hearing about my life might be, I think most of the stuff I go through is really no different from so many of my friends also experience. We all can relate to many of the same moments in life, so I’m really hoping you all nod and agree that you share likeness of me in any of the below situations (so I don’t feel like a complete moron). 

Here in no particular order is my attempt at laughing at life.

You know you’re an American born working Muslim-Pakistani mom/wife/daughter/sister when:

-       Your child’s teacher chuckles when you groan as she gives you the note Jilly’s mom for you. Because you both know it’s yet another birthday party invite. Another event where your kid comes home with too much sugar for his pint sized body to handle. Another event for which you have to go buy a gift and a card and a gift bag. No you aren’t lazy (much), and you probably should hoard these things in bulk like all those crafty moms do, but having a full time job means no time to remember those time saving moves. (You have no time to save time, the humor is not lost on you)

-       The moment when your mom gushed compliments over your goat biryani and the look of pride on her face is forever etched in your mind. Your mom doesn’t do false compliments, this is huge and it probably ranks up higher than getting your Masters/CPA as ‘Moments I’ll never forget’.

-       You fall asleep on the couch after 2 episodes of Game of Thrones, only to be awaken at 1:30am when your 2 yr old is crying in the bedroom. And you realize you forgot to pray Isha namaaz and really mean to do it now but fall back asleep after putting your child to bed. You totally promise God you won’t do it again, yet you have so many Isha prayers to make up even God ain’t falling for it anymore.

-       Some days your child eats nutella on toast for dinner. It’s better than food being forced in while you try to pry his mouth open. Mostly you manage to squeeze in somewhat of a healthy meal, but some days Nutella toast wins the battle.

-       You ponder over your chances at becoming a fashion blogging success. These hijab fashionistas seem to really have found their niche, too bad you don’t wear a scarf and probably wearing one just to blog about it isn’t such a great reason to start. And also, you will probably never pose regularly for pictures in pretty outfits, because even if you do somehow find the time your son will most likely also be pictured tugging at your pants in every pose.

-       You think a freshly cooked meal two times a week is pretty commendable and if you manage to find time in your weekend packed with birthdays/bridal showers/weddings/baby showers/couple’s get together/girl’s night to cook a meal ahead of time it’s definitely worth bragging about.

-       Either you or your husband (or both) are serious addicts to websites like slickdeals, and due to this your once fairly large apartment/home is now filled with tons of unnecessary merchandise.

-       You show up to work wearing one earring, because your child woke up crying before you got to the second one and due to Mommy brain you plum forgot you had just one in!

-       Your child watches Sim Sim Humara (Pakistani Sesame Street) so he can learn some culture and it warms your heart to hear him shout words like ‘Himmat’ and “Yakeeeeeen’ even though he probably has no idea what they mean yet.

-       When your 2 year old son says ‘bless you’ upon hearing you sneeze and you’re not sure to be happy that he’s learning manners at daycare or ashamed that you’re not doing a good enough job at home on emphasizing ‘Alhumdulillah’. Which then leads you to yet again fall into depression/guilt that he spends 10 hours at daycare and only 2 hours at home with you so of course he’ll learn ‘Bless you’ before he learns ‘Alhumdulillah’. And all of this just ends up in more chocolate being eaten. (this time by you)

-       Your sister and you promise each other that you won’t baby your 30+ year old son like your mother in law does your husband. Both of you swear to never end up this way unconsciously knowing you probably will.

-       You would be better off buying stock in your local gym instead of having a membership, because at least that way your monthly contributions would give you some form of long-term profit. I’m a proud member of WoW since Dec 2009, now don’t ask me how many times I’ve been in the past year. I tend to take 2-3 month long vacations from exercise. 

-       You fervently worked out to Youtube videos of Zumba routines the day you finally accepted you will not be going to the gym any time soon. That was the last time Youtube was used in your home for anything other than Sim Sim Humara or ABC Phonics.

-       Getting out of the car and into the house without toppling over is a mini feat, because you managed to carry: your child (who is usually trying to run free), purse, lunch bag, child’s school bag, numerous artworks/toys, and sometimes groceries all in your two tiny hands while climbed up 12 steps sometimes in snow, ice and rain whilst having to go pee so badly. Mini Feat indeed. (I suppose you could probably make two trips, but do you really trust your toddler alone in the house? Man that’s one good toddler, can we switch? Also, this saves time, you really just don’t want to go back out in the cold dammit)

-       You spend quite a bit of time on websites like Realtor.com waiting for the day your husband gets over his ‘I don’t want to pay interest’ phase so you can call a lovely ‘4 bedroom 2.5 bath’ home. You don’t want to pay interest either, but dreaming of being homeowners is so lovely. And you both know this phase is more about your husband’s excuse to be the cheap Desi he is at heart.

-       You are quite thrilled to have a ‘wellness room’ (real purpose is for breast pumping mothers to use) in the office so you can make wudu and pray namaz at work without your coworkers having to know or deal with that awkward moment in the bathroom when someone walks in to see you washing your hands til your elbows.

-       Seeing the only other Muslim coworker walk out of the wellness room around Maghrib time and realizing he was probably using it for the same reason as you (I sure hope he isn’t breast pumping in there!) makes you super proud that handsome single moderate Muslim boys do exist! You immediately start plotting schemes on how to introduce yourself and eventually get him to marry one of your single friends.

-       Even though you try not to be vain and judge people solely based on looks you follow Faryal Makhdoom on Instagram. Let’s be honest she’s a pretty girl of Pakistani descent and famous by association, that’s reason enough to follow her. She may end up having her own reality show one day and then you can say you liked her before the rest of the world did. Jay Sean style.

-       You’ve got the best Worst Mom Incident out of all your friends. It involves dinner with a couple you never met before, a baby bag forgotten at home, a wailing child stuck in a high chair with you then your husband struggling to get him out, numerous restaurant diners staring, and the story ends with your child going home wearing a receiving blanket wrapped like a sumo wrestler’s underwear. And the couple still wants to be your friend. Yay for Happy endings!

-       The advent of Pinterest has caused you and your husband to gain some serious weight in the past two years because you can’t stop pinning all these amazing recipes! 

-       Despite stockpiling spare Paci/Binky’s, you feel like you spend half your life searching for lost ones. God damn the day you decided to hook your child onto this creation.

-       Sometimes you look around at your living room/kitchen/bathroom/bedroom and secretly thank God that your mom can’t see what a slob you have turned into. You’ve contemplated a cleaning/cooking schedule (pinned some cute ideas on Pinterest too!) but only wonder how long people actually stick to those.

-       You see an adorable newborn/infant girl and make a mental note to keep her in mind as a future daughter in law one day. Yes it’s totally disturbing since your son is not even potty trained, but hey finding love is hard and you just want to help your little sweet pea out!

-       You have a whole slew of fasting days missed during your pregnancy that two years later you still are making up. And sadly your reasoning for not doing make ups during December (when the days were shortest and the fasts were easiest) was that the office had too much free food and holiday parties you didn’t want to miss. Clearly your priorities of putting food before everything else have got to change. (She says while eating a midafternoon snack)

I think I’ll stop now, not because I don’t have more delightful anecdotes to share with you, but because I’m afraid you probably think I’m the laziest, weirdest, most unorganized, disheveled mother/employee/wife/everything else. I promise I do have some great accomplishments and strong attributes too. When I’m not totally exhausted from all the things I’m involved in, I can be quite a pleasant person to be around (hah!). Mostly, I am thankful for my life, albeit it is not always perfect. Sometimes life hands me a challenge and sometimes I just make senseless mistakes, but mostly I’ve learned that if I can walk away from an experience and laugh about it, it’s been a good life.

So I’m trying hard to smile with each struggle and be thankful for the times that we get a full night’s rest to tackle the next hurdle!

Desi Guys I am putting you on blast

In my opinion, there are several underlying issues concerning the modern day South Asian male* (here on out, you are referred to as Desi. Those who don’t know what that means, urban dictionary it). But, the root of all those problems I believe should be called the 'Peter Pan' syndrome. I’m not sure if this has already been named before and I'm totally copyright infringing, but it just fits so well!

From Google Image: Dammit I knew I wasn't creative enough to come up with this word!

You don’t want to grow up simply because why should you if you don’t have to? You’ve gotten by so far by being just average and it’s worked pretty decent in your favor so why bother aiming higher? I see all these over grown boys walking around who are enjoying the perks of being an adult while getting away with behaving like a child, lacking responsibility and having a blasé outlook. So, I took it upon myself, in my visionary attempts of rectifying this occurrence (sarcasm), to blow up your spot. If you are male, between 23-32 years old, possibly single, still living and relying on your parents this may be about you. Rest assured I am aware, you ‘don’t care’ and you might be too lazy to even bother trying since this is too long and you’ll probably lose interest. But I will add a disclaimer that this is a broaaaad generalization. Any sensible person would agree I’m generalizing, as each person is unique and no two guys will ever be the same, but I’m trying to BROADLY define what’s wrong with desi guys and why they need to clean up their act! ;)

I’m focused on the desi male population raised in the US, as I interact more closely with them than I do with their non-desi counterparts and based on what interaction I do have with the non-desis (I sit with ten white males 8 hours a day, 5 days a week in an open office environment) I’d still say our desi men are lagging behind their fair skinned pals.

Peter Pan Syndrome, PPS, appears in Desi men due to a combination of factors and is displayed by clear signs listed below:

1)       Upbringing. These guys are of a generation born to traditionally conservative parents who migrated from abroad and wanted to give their children a ‘better’ life than they had while preserving a culture they cherish. While they focused heavily on the importance of academic success, Desi parents neglected to teach their offspring** basic skills in responsibility. Males in most Desi homes are given special treatment requiring little to no involvement in household chores. This creates a very lazy individual who thinks all small tasks are beneath him because he’s too ‘busy’ working towards more ‘important’ things. So while these boys are intelligent in school, give most of them a  mop and see how quickly they try to drop it. Besides, mops belong in the hands of a woman anyway, right? (chauvinism and superiority complexes being among the top gifts your great grandfather left you in his will). But, my point isn’t about the lack of helping around the house (maybe a little bit), it’s about having accountability in day to day activities. You want to be a well-liked leader of the house or in the office? Start acting like one. Leaders have responsibilities, even small ones, and always ‘delegating’ them to others paints an image of you being arrogant and uncaring. Keep it up and see how fast your 'minions’ revolt!

Back to Desi parents, along with focusing too much on education, they tend not to be advocates of playing team sports at a young age (due to factors such as cheapness and time away from studies).  I realize more and more the importance of team sports as I grow up. It teaches one to have goals, to work hard for those goals, to keep trying to be better, as well as the value of physical activity and most importantly, it teaches failure. Desi men don't accept when they have failed, simply because they are sore losers who never learned how to cope with failure. They would rather sit there (due to laziness) and tell you how to play the game (due to their superiority complex) than to admit they’ve never played or to try and play it now. Furthermore, sports put a strong emphasis on collaboration, and the responsibility of each team member. Displaying how it literally takes the efforts of each group member to win and shows how that the QB is nothing without his whole team. This can be applied in almost every aspect of life; work, school, family, religion, government, etc.

Lastly, what sets the current Desi male apart from the generations before them is that most of our fathers were very young when they were sent to foreign countries to make something of themselves, at times expected to support a large family back home. It's the whole concept of sending boys into the woods to make men out of them, and I believe it works. Even if while figuring things out on their own with no one to guide them they made wrong choices, they still learned the importance of standing up for something and owning their mistakes by having to resolve them all on their own. Desi boys of the 90’s lost out on this opportunity. Again, this stems from a childhood of having conservative parents who made most of your decisions for you or simply never included you in any decision making process. Typical of desi families, when you aren’t sent out of the house to live on your own your mom is still making your bed, cleaning your clothes, cooking your meals and your dad is still deciding what health/car insurance you’ll have and college you will attend (and paying for it too!). You might think these are small insignificant choices made for you, but you’ll quickly see that when you lack ability of making small decisions the big ones become even more challenging. Being out on your own teaches you to make choices, right or wrong. Desi guys nowadays don’t even try making decision, they are far too comfortable with that being done for them and fear of failure hinders any attempts. Sometimes you have to jump into the murky waters to figure out what lies there, only fate will tell whether it’s a monster or a mermaid but I’m certain you won’t know if you never try jumping.

2)       Society. To their parents much dismay, Desi boys grew up in a western influence and have acquired a laid back, lazy outlook. They seemed to have taken on the “I don’t care” mentality of American youth, yet conveniently neglected to catch on to the ambitious American mindset. Growing up heavily influenced by MTV and video games coupled with the increased use of internet promoted an idle and unsympathetic attitude. Spending all afternoon fighting monsters on a computer does not make you a superhero. When your actions don’t have any serious repercussions, you are learning zilch about real world scenarios. You can know all the theory out there, but until you can pass a practical exam how useful is your knowledge? This “I don’t care’ attitude may work as a kid when you can just reset the game, but as a grown up, you damn well better care!

You should care if this is the 3rd time you’ve ‘misplaced’ your phone and the battery is dead so you have no way of finding it, because you were too careless to charge it on time. Or if your car stops on the side of the highway at 2 am, because you were too ‘relaxed’ about filling up gas sooner. Or if you get a flat tire, making you late to an important job interview all because you were too thoughtless about getting the tire checked three months ago when you first noticed it was leaking air! It shows you are irresponsible and reckless with valuables in life. You might think ‘it’s not a big deal and it could happen to anyone’, but ironically, it’s always happening to you. And maybe when it’s just affecting you it’s not that serious, but what about when you have a family? What is this teaching your own child who watches daddy’s ‘calm and laid back’ attitude? That it is okay if he keeps screwing up? That others will probably get ahead of him in life, because he was too uncaring about these ‘minor’ things in life. You might brush minor things off with your ‘who cares’ attitude, but over time that attitude spills over onto major issues and when that happens you begin losing out on big opportunities. Desi boys need to reevaluate this ‘cool boy’ demeanor.  Teach your son that its great to be laid back in certain situations but a real superhero, instead of one in the video games, actually physically DO work like fix things (ON TIME) and they give a crap about the important things in life like getting an education, job and building a family. They have goals and they work HARD to get things done, doing them promptly!

So basically, a huge facet is this hybrid of Desi roots in a non Desi environment. But the somewhat surprising fact is that Desi girls were largely saved from this dilemma. Desi girls have always come up stronger than their male counterparts because given their cultural background they were equally as strong academically, but as females they were NOT lazy, so they graduated on time, got a decent job and by 27 are in a managerial role therefore earning better than male counterparts and beyond ready for marriage (especially by Desi standards). Yet they have no suitable mates as all the Alpha males are already nabbed by rishta-hunting aunties who paired them with the optimal Desi girl (22 svelte, and freshly out of college), so most single guys left are the Beta males suffering from PPS. When I chitchat with other Desi girls we find there is an unending list of guys who didn’t know or care about what they were doing in college, graduated late and thus are now behind in the workforce. They are doing mediocre entry level jobs that pay the bills, but they are not ‘go-getters’. Now they’re 26-28 years old and just starting to get on track, but still seriously lagging behind in being ready to settle down. No, this is not all about marriage, it’s about making you the best darn man you can be and marriage is an important facet of that.

Essentially, Desi guys are not all that terrible, they are courteous, witty (Desis are naturally blessed with a sense of humor, no deny it), academically advanced, and boy do they know how to win a girl’s heart. (It’s all that Bollywood cinema they were pretending not to watch as a kid) They just have a few key areas that could use some serious improvement. All the laziness and lack of responsibility is preventing guys from achieving at their real potential. What this does is make them lag behind as strong leaders; it hinders success, and deters them from having any real goals and accomplishments. You know what makes a Desi girl proudest? Seeing a Desi guy who succeeds. One who succeeds both professionally and personally. So guys, Get your act together!

Although this has nothing to do with him, Aziz Ansari is one of my favorite 'desi' guys on TV! Funny desi boys, we love you.

*you know you’re really just overgrown boys, and that is what you should be called!

** This is where the Desi female lucked out (we didn’t think so at the time), but most females were required to help their mothers with all the tedious housekeeping tasks, to make us more marketable as the optimal Desi girl. So we ended up learning how to scrub toilets, vacuum carpets and set tables for dinner parties. Along the way we basically learned how to do things on our own when mom wasn't around and we learned the repercussions of doing it wrong too (Desi mom punishments make Japanese water boarding look like a slap on the wrist). And let's be honest, girls are naturally better than boys ;)

 

Wait..seriously?

I know I'm always trying to keep things positive here, to keep myself upbeat and to learn from each experience that challenges me. But let's be real for a sec. Some things and some moments beg for candid, unsweetened opinions. Here in, no particular order, are a list of things that get under my skin and make me work hard to keep my chin up (while still trying to keep hope in humanity). 

·         Men who use the bathroom and leave the toilet seat up at someone's home. This is not a men's room, its a coed bathroom. Heck, It's not even a public restroom where the next person doesn't know you (and how unhygienic you are). Please show some courtesy and regard for others. And if you really are going to put the seat up can you try not to get urine everywhere so I'm not totally gagging as I clean up afterwards?

·         Can people please be real? I love sharing; everyone who knows me knows that. But I don’t appreciate it when people who I chat with daily ask me a gazillion questions about my future plans and expect me to provide truthful answers, yet when I turn around and ask them about what’s going on with them, they give tight lipped responses. Friendship is definitely a TWO way street, don’t expect me to share honestly if you are being shady about your own business. Because clearly in that case we aren’t friends, you are simply using me as a tool to figure out what to do with your own life. I gladly provide advice or help when necessary, but it’s just hurtful if I treated you like a friend and then I find you’re moving into a new place or getting a new job from someone else.

·         Facebook. I have an extremely complicated relationship with this social media platform. I enjoy how it allows me to connect with my siblings, close friends and well wishers. But I am beginning to grow tired of the unnecessary drama it brings at times. The amount of oversharing that everyone does is already past my level of comprehension. But I actually had someone delete me from their friends because apparently they always commented on my pictures/status yet I never did the same. So they felt I was not a good friend and made it a point to tell my sister before deleting me. My response was “uhh ok..why didn’t she just talked to me about it? You know, the way normal people get over their issues..” Facebook gives people  a peek into the lives of others and usually all they’re looking at is an illusion. Yet they somehow feel closely involved in these moments and build up all these expectations of the people they view, feeling as though they possess authority to judge and critique.

Another gripe I have is how its become the only mode of communication. I am at fault for doing this myself at times, but I’m working to stop. Pick up the phone and call someone don’t facebook message them! Maybe if you haven’t talked in years it’s a good way to catch up, but if you’re planning the 4^th party in the past 3 months and trying to coordinate dishes maybe a quick conference call could sort out the details rather than a message chain that drags out for weeks. Done. Over it. I can’t even speak about it anymore.

·         People from the motherland, please keep in mind vowels when you send messages. I know you are an educated bunch, so I am unsure if it’s due to haste in completing the message or an attempt at typing in the ‘cool hip’ lingo, but to most of us vowels are in important part of a sentence. ‘im rlly hppy fr u’ is not a real sentence even if it gets the point across (and thank you!).

·         When people ridicule their spouses in front of others. It isn’t funny, its just awkward for everyone else around you. So stop it and be thankful for the wife/husband you have who sees the good in you and puts up with your social weirdness.

·        When I drive around the block three times just to insure that my kid is sound asleep, only to park the car and turn around to see him smiling like he’s got the energy of three quarterbacks who threw back a pack of red bull before a big game. (WHEN OH WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER???)

·         Crazy intense back and shoulder pain! As the massage therapist put it yesterday while trying to get out knots the size of golf balls, I’m “literally caring all the weight of my burdens on my shoulders”. Growing up/old isn’t always fun my friends.

Ok I think I'm done for now, ahh that felt better! If for some twisted reason you enjoyed reading this, then check out the remainder of my griping here since (sadly) most of them still apply.       

People

You know what I will probably never understand about human beings? There are quite a few things actually. How we are so capable of making monumental mistakes and not learning from them. Or how about how we can be such self consumed beings so intensely focused on our own trials and tribulations when a simple click of the TV remote can show us how much the world outside of ours is suffering immensely. I just don't get it. I am no perfect human being, far far FAR from it. I know my struggles with selfishness, how two parallel ends of me tussle to pull me towards their opposing desires and how often I give into the darker one. I know how often I let Pessimist Sania overwhelm Sane Sania with fears, insecurities and doubt but you know I think there's a deeper logic behind Pessimistic Sania. She grew out of an Optimist who saw the ugly side of this world, a side who was let down; proven time and time again that certain situations and certain people will always be there to bring you down. But even still, I know fair well that Pessimist Sania is not someone I want to be entirely. However, there are other people I see in this world who seem so dead set on making these perpetual mistakes, of hurting others and of failing miserably at what they claim to aspire at, and you know why? Because of one word. S E L F. They are reckless in their actions and words, they may have quit wits and sharp minds but they manage to utilize it in the most negative and unproductive manners. It saddens me to see this, I don't write about them to backbite or insult but because I feel enraged and frustrated with how such people CONTINUALLY do this to themselves and others.

I just look at these people, their lives, actions, upbringing, and experiences (at least the ones I'm aware of) and then I attempt to put on my psychologist's glasses to understand how they were shaped into who they are today. I cant help but feel that a lot of it has to do with nature and but at the same time personalities are greatly molded by experience too. So what was it that made these people so selfish? It's easy to suggest that media and society are the culprits, since the entire generation of this era is brainwashed to believe that we cannot breathe without cell phones/text messages and learns traditional values from reality television. Maybe partially responsible but not fully. I think selfish desires have existed long before modern society n technology, We do what we please because we have a right to. that much I agree with. But when those acts are outside a boundary of respect for others and religion it becomes harder and harder to justify them. These selfish children grow up into selfish adults and I just can't take them anymore.