"Sabr" pronounced like "summer" but with a B.

Arabic/Urdu for 'Patience'.

“Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be shortsighted as to not able to see the outcome. The lovers of God never runs out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.” - 40 Rules of Love, Elif Shafaq

I find myself constantly reminding my two-year-old to wait,  "sabr". He's always asking me for things, usually 'needing' them immediately. And sometimes I just can't give them to him, because for one reason or another it's not available right away. I'm trying so hard to teach him that he can't always have things how he wants them when he wants them, but I just learned a real life lesson on it myself.

I had a bit of a health scare and all I could do was wait it out. I was in a lot of pain, going through different tests and all I could do was wait for those results to come in and tell me that everything was normal, yet the hardest thing for me was the physical pain (which was pretty bad!) but the agony of waiting.

Sometimes when we're being told to wait it feels as if we're being punished for doing something wrong. We don't understand what it is we did to deserve this and why we are having to suffer a punishment. The reality is that we're not being scolded or disciplined. We are simply being taught a lesson that we really need to learn and that is, in my case, to be patient.

I was taught (yet again) that you MUST have faith above all. Have faith that things are meant for a reason and they will occur as they are destined. As much as you stress, fret, and agonize nothing will change the outcome. So, learn to do your best and then leave it up to fate.

It's been a tough couple of weeks. Funny thing is it feels like a century since my husband has been gone, but in reality it's only been two months and this month sure has felt extremely long.

 Remember that chronic worrier girl I talked about earlier? She had been back big time. I was getting impatient and ungrateful. I was focused on everything being so negative. How upset I was about all the change to come in my life and how lonely I felt without my husband. I worried that I had so much to get done and yet felt nothing was progressing. I was totally not appreciating having my family nearby to make things easier. This experience taught me how much I seriously MUST value all the loving people I have in my life. Additionally, I learned that I have an extremely difficult time asking for help. I also learned that I don’t always consciously know when I’m stressed out, but stress and my body have a terrible relationship.

It wasn't even the part of being a full-time working mother to an energetic toddler trying handling all the single-parent duties. Nor was it about trying to sell all our furniture and items or researching apartments in our new town OR contacting movers and setting up meetings to get an estimate.

It was truly just the suffering of being impatient and allowing myself to become frustrated at everything not  progressing as I wanted it to that affected my health. It is pretty amazing how when we are not strong internally our body reflects it externally, leaving us no choice but to slow down and focus on what is most important.

Before all that happened, I remember thinking how spiritually distant I felt and I actually had a moment where I thought to myself ‘God I promise I’m going to fix this when I have time; once I’m done w this crazy period in life I’ll make more effort to get back that spiritual mojo, but right now I just can’t focus on it. I've got too much going on’. WELL, God had some other plans. 

I was reminded to have faith that God is on your side. He sometimes tests you and pushes you to your limit and inevitably that happens when you think you least need it. Truth is, it happens because you need it pretty bad.  I was forced to stay home, to rest, and to ask for help. During those horrible days of waiting for test results where I couldn't tell my family, because I didn't want to worry them unnecessarily I reconnected with an old friend who helped me in so many ways she will never know. We were both going through some difficult moments and the irony of how we were brought together at a time when we could support of each other was amazing. We both encouraged each other to have faith. 

Life will never be void of it's troubles, everyone has their own. You cannot wait for the perfect moment to find time for your soul. Especially as you grow older, more and more responsibilities demand your attention, grabbing you away. Find even small bits to feed your soul each day; to be thankful, to be aware of His immensity and know that you run on His time. He does not run on yours. Acknowledge that you and your troubles are only a small portion of the immensity.

via Tumblr

I forgot to mention that Ramadan started a midst all this change. With everything going on Ali hasn't been his usual self either. Since iftar time is so late, he's going to bed later than his usual bedtime and he's also missing his father a lot; all of which leads to him being clingy, cranky and putting up a fight about pretty much everything. Again, it isn't always easy. I'm learning easy just isn't in the books for me right now. And that is okay, but when I do encounter moments of 'easy' I am quick to say a silent thank you. We've wrapped up our apartment and our last few weeks in NJ are being spent at my parents. I am really enjoying being home with my family, plus Ali loves the constant attention from his Nani Nana and Khala. And while I sometimes can't help worry that they're spoiling him rotten (lol they really are!), the way I see it he's building some of the best memories of his childhood right now. Memories he will grow up and cherish, possibly when the people in those memories may be very far away. :( So I've been tired, lacking food, sleep and energy. But the best part of all this struggle during Ramadan is that the one thing I'm not lacking is spirit.

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