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| Via Pinterest |
From
articles my friends are sharing on Facebook here and here, to articles that pop up on my
Google News Top reads here, this topic of Self Love and
especially the effects of social media has been in my
face constantly. And when I saw the picture below on my Tumblr dashboard I
could no longer avoid talking about this issue that I can’t take my mind off.
So girls, I fully anticipate that after you
read what I'm about to say some of you will complain and talk to
friends/sisters/Twitter followers how this random chick with a cheesy blog
thinks she’s all high and mighty preaching to others. I am 110% including
myself in the previous sentence of being someone who has done that. But what
I'm going to say, I beg you to read with an open mind.
Women are
by nature extremely kindhearted, emotional and loving/nurturing. But also, they
are often keen on perfectionism, organization and competition. To me all those
qualities make up a really wonderful person. But most often we women use these
positive traits in the wrong way.
The one
common factor I’ve seen across all females regardless of culture or age is an incredible
ability to protect and care for everyone else we love. But, often we neglect
our own self to such an extreme that it becomes self-deprecating. We do this
because we want to avoid being selfish but the irony is you MUST to love
yourself to truly love another. And loving yourself is not the same thing as
being selfish. If you are genuinely content in your existence it improves your
attitude in life, which allows you to become a positive force in the lives of
everyone else around you.
Due to our nature, we tend to fixate on
having all elements of our life be perfect. When the reality is that we and our
lives are far from it. All this perfectionism if not handled moderately begins
to create an overcritical self-view. I
am not saying it's a bad thing to hold yourself to a higher standard and not
accept mediocrity, but be wary not to allow this notion to run so wild that it
becomes detrimental to your wellbeing.
Whether it’s physical appearance, academics or
personal ability we can get very disparaging and just plain mean with
ourselves! Especially when it is something we can’t totally control, it
frustrates us even more. The most common mistake we make when frustrated with
ourselves is that we become competitive with others. Competition and perfection
are both great traits, in moderation. Women in their lack of
self-love, take it to the next level.
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| Via Google Image |
Can
you truthfully tell me you have never looked at another girl’s
Instagram/Tumblr/Twitter/Facebook/Blog picture and felt envious of her: body, kids, vacations,
husband, career, home etc? Was that envy heightened and negatively affected you
if those pictures were seen in a moment where you were feeling down about your
own life? I’m not saying the blame is on social media because it prompts these
feelings, I’m also not saying that social media is entirely blameless. I am saying that we control how much we allow
it to affect us. It’s natural to feel envy. When you allow that envy to
make yourself feel worse about your own life that is wrong. And when you allow
that envy to turn into plain ol' evil that is very wrong! Don't allow the success of someone else to damper your own, use it as fuel for inspiration.
Do you
like to ‘keep it real’ and be vocal about your honest thoughts about others all the time? Do your truthful words actually help
bring any positive change; are they ‘honestly’ worth saying? If you have to
wonder if maybe it’d be better to keep your honesty to yourself for the sake of
not hurting another person’s feelings then you’re probably right. Even if it isn't hurting another person and it's just for the sake of conversation, all this critical chatter starts accumulating overtime and it affects your mindset and people's perspective of you. It creates a world where we are constantly scrutinizing each other and never celebrating. If someone is rocking an hairdo you aren't crazy for make an effort to ignore it."If you have nothing nice to say, it's better to say nothing at all." On the other hand find every opportunity to compliment something you DO like!
Do you
allow life situations to stress you out? So much that you lose sleep or lash
out at others in your life? Sometimes others instigate you, but other times it’s
really just emotions that get the best of you making the situation worst. You are not your emotions. Your emotions
are real and do occur, but they do not control you. If you need a moment, take it. Breathe. B R E
A T H E. it’s something so simple that has such a profound result. And it’s funny
how often we forget to do it.
Do you like watching
reality TV, creating a love/hate relationship with characters portrayed?
You can’t help but feel normal beside their catty/crazy personalities. Their
lavish unattainable/ unsustainable lifestyles at times leave you wishing you had all
that and how you’d handle it with less drama no doubt. Enter unhealthy envy,
greed, bitterness, frustration with your own less than perfect life and of
course judging other people. I used to be a religious Kardashians viewer. I even got hooked on Mob
Wives! It was just too much once I truly saw the unconscious effect on my
personality. We are lead by media to believe that an empowered woman is vocal about all her thoughts and lets all her emotions be put on display. Suddenly divas, drama queens and b*tches are words women are okay with using to describe themselves. I realized I no longer want media to dictate who I am to be. Not even the person who judges others for choosing to live differently.
If something doesn’t agree with you, remove yourself from it.You will respect yourself for it and others will too.
This past December I participated in a hormone/mood study conducted online. For two months we had to keep a daily log of
our mood and also any experiences that affected it. During this time the group
leader would send out weekly emails with positive messages about being kind with ourselves, and when our emotions were roaring how we should repeat a mental
chant of “I am not my emotions, I will not let this defeat me.”
Personally,
keeping the log didn’t show me anything new. (Yes, I’m more sensitive around my
period, aren't we all?) What it did was make me more conscious of my actions. Sort like, "yes I have fluctuations in my hormones which affect my emotions. However, I will not allow my emotions to dictate my mood. I will not allow them to define who I am." Keep a personal journal, it promotes self-reflection.
After the study ended, I felt besides being more aware of my emotions what really changed me was the moment I decided I needed to change. Half the task of change is realizing when it is necessary. You
won’t change yourself, your attitude, or your outlook until you resolve to do
it.
It is so easy to fall into a rut
of bitter unhappiness; especially with all the stories in the news thrown at us it seems almost impossible to avoid it. Social
media plays a big hand in our perspective because of the immense amount of
information it provides us with. But before we turn to it to judge, compete or
hate, we need to make a promise to ourselves:
We MUST be merciful.
We MUST
accept our flaws and celebrate our victories.
We must NOT bring down ourselves
OR others.
We must
resolve to become promoters of happiness.
Only another woman knows what it feels
like to go through cycles of hormonal change and the pains that come with it.
Only another woman truly understands the HOW strongly we feel emotions or
the simultaneous joy/fear of motherhood. Only a woman. So then why do we judge,
berate and hold malice towards each other? The only way we can teach our young girls about positive self image, respect and love is if we apply it first ourselves.
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| Via Tumblr |
I leave you with my absolute favorite quote of all time:
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| Via Google Image |
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