Monday, April 14, 2008

Counting down the days

Where do I even begin.....well, the least I can say is that life is good. very good. The things I have always looked forward to and considered a Must on my life's To Do List are all slowly coming into shape. Inshallah. Not sure why, but for as long as I can remember I enjoy creating these countdowns in my head. It's not always very healthy, because then all you do is focus on getting to the destination and the journey becomes negligible. I can't say I haven't done that a time or two..or three. But sometimes its nice. I like thinking back to where I was in the past and where I am at present...And now there is a lot to look forward to for the future. But at the same time, as much as I do look forward to it, the truth is it makes me very very very nervous. Like, life post undergrad. That's something I've been constantly focused on, going for my masters then having a full time job (like a real career!), getting my cpa, then a family and all that mature people stuff..but while staring at the rental lease form it dawned on me that all of that is very near if not already occurring..its like I knew all along that this stuff will happen or is happening but its much more pleasant to ignore its existence and busy myself in less anxiety giving issues...like school work...correction, pretty much everything these days gives me anxiety but schoolwork and its hell I am accustomed to, so this is a new form of anxiety.....WHEN did I get here..signing forms to have for our OWN place?? (granted its a rental but still, its a first HUGE real step into growing up)....it was almost as big as when I signed that nikkah certificate lol...maybe that's why I haven't brought myself to actually sign it yet haha...Next year this time I'll be done with my undergrad, done with my masters, close to completing my cpa and soon beginning my accounting career. (inshallah to all of the above). Oh and I completely forgot to mention that I will be a married woman!!!! Talk about overacheiving..that's like everything I ever wanted to get done in a 2-3 yr span all happening within a 9-12 month period! And I know being ungrateful is horrible, that's the last thing I'm trying to be. I am far beyond blessed for the endless opportunities granted. Once it'll all be done I know I will feel tremendously relieved to have such a weight lifted off me...I hope so at least..to be more mentally (and financially) stable by next year...but at present....i just feel like little 10 year old sania is suddenly being put in this big nearly 22 yr old sania's shoes and having to make all these big people decisions....I know I can do it, but the realization of how big it all is and how much it'll all affect me is what creates the most anxiety....

finals are in about 2-3 weeks...so not looking forward to the ride there..but post-finals, i can't wait for that part...

wedding stuff is materializing....verrrry slowly...at glacier pace you could say...but it's fine...I'll give it more attention when i can deal with it...

rest is good i think.. OK enough rambling...now I must go sleep through Dr. Soos' B-law II class..sleeping through class..remind me to add that to the list of things I'll miss once I'm working full time.

ps- 4 months from now I'll be a day away from offically being married...eek.. Must stop or I'll seriously need anxiety pills...no more counting down. that's it!
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